Tag Archives: Blogging

December 31, 2016

How Blogging Is (Nothing) Like Jogging

Blogging and jogging have a lot in common. They also have many differences. That could be said about anything and everything, but anything and everything don’t rhyme. Blogging and jogging have ogging in common. I’ve decided to explore how these two activities are intertwined after I voted down the whole New Year’s ‘I’m gonna blog more often in the new year’ bullshit. I’m smart enough, and honest enough to know that’s not true. Let’s explore jogging and blogging in point form…..

– Jogging doesn’t require jogging pants, but jogging pants are named after the activity of jogging, so if you wore jogging pants while jogging, people wouldn’t look at you funny at all. While blogging, I wear jogging pants periodically, and my blog is also named after jogging pants which is named after jogging, so don’t tell me these are unrelated topics. Little known fact about yours truly???? I seldom wear jogging pants, when jogging or blogging, but don’t tell anyone. I’ve branded myself as someone who wears jogging pants while blogging, and if you tell someone that I actually don’t, I’ll deny it.

– When jogging (I assume…. I don’t fucking jog) sometimes you finish your run, and feel really good about what you’ve accomplished, and that gets you on the right track to enjoying the rest of your day. Other times I would imagine you probably want to quit halfway through and eat a hamburger, and quitting is the only thing that will make you happy, but if you decide to not quit, and see it through to the end, it’s just miserable times until it’s finally over. When blogging, it’s an absolute joy from beginning to end about 15% of the time. The rest of the time you have to grind it out. The difference is I can actually eat a hamburger halfway through, and it doesn’t physically stop me from finishing, but the beef fat that gets into my bloodstream and travels up to my brain makes it challenging to finish, so sometimes I take a nap.

– Joggers will tell you that the act of jogging keeps them in good shape and is great for their physical well-being. Bloggers will tell you that the act of blogging is great exercise for their creativity. Joggers probably won’t tell you that the impact is slowly killing their knees, and bloggers won’t tell you that typing makes them sleepy, and they’d rather be napping.

– Sometimes Nike will do television commercials where people are leading unrealistically awesome lives because they jog at 5 in the morning or torture their body in some other awful way, because they gotta ‘just do it’. Nike doesn’t do blogging commercials because blogging doesn’t sell footwear. I’ve contacted Nike, and offered to wear their jogging pants while I blog. They haven’t responded yet. I think coffee companies could use bloggers in their commercials. Bloggers drink coffee with the best of them. Just picture a commercial where the blogger hits the publish button, and then takes a sip of coffee while all the comments and likes fill up in their inbox while they laugh diabolically. In reality, most of us get about half a dozen likes and maybe one comment from the same supportive relative over and over. Half of these bloggers would way rather hang out in a Starbucks and pretend it’s their living room/office rather than brew their own coffee.

– Jogging is sweaty. Blogging is sweaty if it’s summer and you don’t have A/C. Or if you’ve just been sitting there way too long with no ideas, and your body is rejecting all your bodily fluids, hoping you’ll give this up already, and move onto something more awesome like napping.

– Jogging really sucks when the weather isn’t nice. Hardcore joggers will jog regardless of the weather. Blogging is the opposite in that it really sucks when it’s nice out, and you’d rather be outside. Hardcore bloggers will still blog when they should go out. Blogging is the best when it’s shitty out. Crappy weather, some good ideas, and free time is the ultimate blogging trifecta, and for the 2 days a year that happens, man can I ever write!!!!

– Blogging about jogging is boring. It’s a shitty topic. Blogging about blogging is boring too. I’m guilty of the latter sometimes. Hopefully blogging about jogging and blogging together has not been boring. Either way, I’m going to have a nap.

1 Comment | tags: Blogging, Humor, Humour, Jogging, Napping, Nike | posted in Humor, Uncategorized

April 15, 2016

Personal (And Not So Personal) Updates For Your Consideration

By Thoughts and Rants in Jogging Pants

Says here that my last post here was in January. That makes this by far the longest Thoughts and Rants in Jogging Pants drought ever. Man, I used to do this once a week without fail. While I was looking back to see how long it had been since my last post, I glanced at the stats page. It kind of made me feel nice and I want to pass on thanks, should any of you be responsible for this phenomenon. This isn’t the most prolific and well-known blog out there, but despite the fact that I haven’t posted here in close to 3 months, at least one person has visited this site to read one of my blogs every day in the last month. That’s fuckin cool, I’m sorry to get swearing so quickly, but it just is. Makes me feel warm inside. Every day except March 20th. So uhhhh, where were you guys on the 20th, huh??? Not one of you could click over for 5 minutes??? 😉

There’s one post in particular that shows up in the stats a lot. I have NO idea why. I think it gets googled by total strangers. It’s called “Guys, Your Feet Are Fucking Ugly”, and I wrote it in July of 2014. Usually a post gets its most views the day or week it’s originally posted. To give perspective it got 42 views the day it was posted. It finished the year with 70 views. In 2015 it had 217 views, and mid way through April this year it’s trending way higher than that. I’m curious to know why. It’s sort of funny, but not my best work. If you feel like reading it, here’s the link https://thoughtsandrantsinjoggingpants.com/2014/07/02/guys-your-feet-are-fucking-ugly/ According to my stats, someone looks at this almost everyday. So weird. Skip to the 3rd paragraph if you read it.

Also on the bloggy linky topic, I started contributing to another blog site called “Everything MLB Inc”. I blog about the Toronto Blue Jays once a week. I guess that’s why I haven’t been doing this blog. There’s a small part of my that always wanted to be a sports reporter or something like that. So for 2016 I’ll do it. I hope the Jays’ season is as magical as last year. If you follow another team, I can’t really vouch for this blog. I don’t think they have all their writers in place yet. Here are some links to my first few articles for those interested in Jays stuff. Close friends might enjoy how brutally inaccurate some of my predictions have been so far.
http://emlbinc.blogspot.ca/2016/02/toronto-blue-jays-2016-projected.html
http://emlbinc.blogspot.ca/2016/02/toronto-blue-jays-2016-bullpen.html
http://emlbinc.blogspot.ca/2016/03/toronto-blue-jays-2016-lineup-breakdown.html
http://emlbinc.blogspot.ca/2016/04/blue-jays-week-1-update.html

The movie thing…… Some readers of this blog might remember me talking about acting in a movie last year. For those that don’t, here’s that story…..
https://thoughtsandrantsinjoggingpants.com/2015/09/06/that-time-i-was-an-actor-in-a-kick-ass-movie/
Anyways, the update is that we recorded some commentary for the special features last weekend, because……. apparently there’s a distribution deal in place that would see this film available for purchase this year at some point (we’re hoping soon). Where will you be able to get it? Can’t say for sure, but pretty sure there will be physical copies (DVD, Blu-Ray) available for online purchase, as well as being available in digital form (iTunes etc). Super duper stoked for this. Will provide details when I have them.

Now for my version of Batman vs. Superman. My 3-year-old son loves Batman. His aunt bought him a set of 3 superhero costumes. This box and it’s contents have been put to way better use than just about anything he’s owned in his young life. I would say about 60% of his days, he wants to dress up in a costume at some point. Not having siblings, and perhaps not wanting to be the only super-hero at home, he tries to get my wife and I to wear the other 2 costumes. He is ALWAYS Batman. My wife who would often be in the room with him playing while I cook dinner gets to be Superman, and I get stuck with Robin. I try not to take it personal, even though it’s ridiculous because I tower over both of them, but I’m a good sport so Robin it is. These are sized for toddlers. If I could box I would do so in the heavyweight category. The little Robin mask is stretched to its absolute potential just to get around my face, and after a minute or two the velcro just gives out and slingshots across the room. So fun. So my wife, who is smarter than me, has stopped dressing up as a superhero, sometimes even saying “no thanks, but why don’t you ask daddy?” I can’t say no. So more days than not, I dress up in a toddler sized superhero costume, although I’ve been upgraded to Superman. Sometimes we play with train engines, and sometimes we fight crime. Then, one day my son finally said to me “Do you want to be Batman????” I jumped at the chance! After all these months of having to play superheroes with lesser cool factors, I have reached the pinnacle of toddler sized superhero outfits. Yessssssssss……………………. Here’s the thing though……………….The Batman outfit’s got some stains on it, from a 3-year-old wearing it more than any other article of clothing. Yeah, they’re messy. Also, I’m back to having to wear a mask again. That mask is just as tight, but it covers more of my face and makes me sweat. That’s when I realized a HUGE and VERY IMPORTANT life lesson, taught to me by my own son…… We can’t all be Batman! Some of us need to be Superman, and others need to be Robin. Ponder that!

Leave a comment | tags: Batman, Blogging, Humor, Humour, Movies, Parenting, Superman, Toronto Blue Jays | posted in Humor, Rants, Stories, Uncategorized

April 22, 2015

Bloggiversary #3

By Thoughts and Rants in Jogging Pants

So WordPress informed me that ‘Thoughts and Rants In Jogging Pants’ is 3 years old. It went from baby to toddler. Now ideally it is fully toilet trained, because there’s always lots of shit coming. I thought I should write a post about what I’ve learned in the last 3 years of blogging.

So what have I learned in the last 3 years of blogging?

Very little.

Let’s move on. Here’s a piece that I think I’ll call “Get It Together, People!”

So I saw this lady the other day walking past, and I couldn’t help but notice she had her button down shirt buttoned incorrectly. Do you know what I mean by that? She was off by a button so there was an extra button on top, and an extra hole on the bottom. Hey…. I’ve had days like that too. I don’t even need to mention how many times I’ve started doing up my shirt, and finished only to realize…. yeah, I did it wrong. The difference between her and I, and not to pat myself on the back, but in my example, I noticed that I did it wrong, and then I fix it before I go out. This lady didn’t fix it, and in all likelihood, still unaware that it was off. Am I being hard on her? Maybe. It’s just that you get 2 opportunities to figure it out. If you start buttoning from the bottom, you should see that it’s not lined up properly, but if you don’t, that’s okay, because when you get to the top, you get a second opportunity to notice that you screwed it up and make the appropriate changes! You might even do a little thing called looking in the mirror just as a third measure. Now bleeding hearts, before you start defending her, I know there are people in society that have a tough time with these things for whatever reason. She just didn’t seem to fall into that category. She seemed well put together and adjusted otherwise. Is she having a tough time that day? Maybe. Should I cut her some slack? Perhaps, but society is spiralling out of control, and there’s not a lot that the average person can do to fix it. You know what we can fix though? Our shirts.

Get it together.

On another note, I was stuck behind a driver yesterday that didn’t turn left at the amber light until well after he should have, leaving me to wait for another set of lights to go by at a busy intersection. I wasn’t in that much of a hurry. Who cares, right? The reason it happened is because this guy was flailing his arms about, trying to get his point across to the person he was on the phone with. Did he have bluetooth technology? Yeah, he did. So it’s legal, right? I’m not sooo against people talking on the phone while they drive. As long as they’re good at it. If you can talk to someone that’s in the car with you while you drive, then you should be able to talk to someone on a hands free set while you drive, IF you’re good at it. Some people just aren’t good at it. Some people cannot walk and chew gum at the same time. Me? I had a job where I had to drive a truck through the city, and I would talk on the phone, AND eat lunch while driving as long as I was on a straight stretch of road with not a lot of cars around. There are times when you have to focus on the road, and shouldn’t be on the phone, and if you have to talk with your hands and picture the person you’re talking to in your mind in order to have a phone conversation, then PULL OVER!!!!

Get it together before you get us all killed.

If you’ve read the last 2 paragraphs and thought ‘hey man…. you seem kinda uptight’. I would just remind you that I’ve been blogging for 3 years. You can’t have a blog with ‘rant’ in the name, and not sound a bit crabby from time to time. 3 years is a long time to be ranting about stuff. I’m tired.

NOW, on a more positive note, here are a few things that are in the hopper, and might be coming down the pipe……

– I’m taking an online novel-writing course. It’s an accountability thing. I think by the end of the course, I’m supposed to have written a novel. I know I already told you I would write a book, and then gave you a couple of chapters, and then stopped because I hated it, so consider the source, but I plan to write a novel this year.

– I acted in a movie. I’ll probably let you know a little more as it becomes closer to being available for public consumption. All I will say at this point is that I’m in one scene, but my character is fairly significant in that scene. It’s an Independent Film that will be submitted to some festivals later this year. Cross your fingers that it gets into one or two. Even though I’m not an actor, I have big plans to segue this little opportunity into becoming the most in-demand leading man in all of Hollywood. By big plans I mean I really hope someone comes and asks me to do it again. There’s actually a far better chance that I will finish the aforementioned novel.

– My travel blog http://www.paymevegas.com has stalled. Not because I don’t love going to Vegas and then talking about it after, but I haven’t been in a while, and some of my recent plans and schemes to get back out there have not come to fruition as of yet. You can be sure that at some point I will fire up a few more posts there too, but……

– I think I want to do a music blog. I love music even more than I love ranting and Las Vegas put together. Maybe it’s time. Maybe it’s not time. We shall see.

– As far as Thoughts and Rants in Jogging Pants goes. Yeah, I’ll keep doing it. Sorry I can’t do it every week like I used to. I think becoming a father has really emptied out the old noggin. As I spend a significant amount of my brain space remembering all of the names of the different engines on Thomas and his Friends, I find myself less able to connect with the real world. I always hated the thought of that, but to be honest, when I’m sitting with my son watching the same movie we’ve watched 7,036 times, almost nothing makes me happier.

🙂

4 Comments | tags: Anniversary, Blogging, driving, Humor, Humour, rants, wardrobe malfunction | posted in Humor, Rants, Stories, Uncategorized

March 18, 2014

Thoughts And Rants In Jogging Pants – The 100th Post

By Thoughts and Rants in Jogging Pants

I bid you a Happy St. Patrick’s Day indeed! There was a time when this post just wouldn’t have been written until later in the week because I was out at a bar celebrating a ‘drinking holiday’. Tonight, my son was not feeling well, and my wife was playing volleyball, so I am here cleaning up various pukey items, and waiting for the moment when I could finally pour myself a tall can of Guinness (didn’t even plan that, just happened to be in the fridge), and write my 100th post for Thoughts and Rants in Jogging Pants.

I believe in stopping to smell the flowers! There had to be a celebration of either 2 years a blogger, or 100 posts. This one came first, so we’ll go with it. Not to be weird or self-indulgent, but I’m actually pretty proud of this achievement. Since I started this blog, I’ve done a post every week with the exception of one. Regular readers know this, but my father passed away, and my son was born in the same week, so….. I had some stuff going on. Every other week, I’ve managed to contribute to this blog. I’ve never copped out at less than 500 words either. For a guy that’s never had a reputation for following through on stuff, this could represent a big change for me. Bigger and better things still to come I hope.

Speaking of copping out, I decided that particularly for the benefit of my newer readers, (but also for my own benefit, so I don’t have to burn a good topic this week) I’m going to list of some interesting stats about Thoughts and Rants in Jogging Pants.

– Being Canadian, I’m not surprised that the majority of my readers are also from Canada. Also not surprised that Americans came in second. England being third and Australia in fourth?? Yeah, they speak English, so it makes sense. India comes in at #5. That is awesome!!! I don’t know anyone in India, but someone over there is enjoying my blog, and I don’t know why it surprises me, but it does, pleasantly! Awesome!

– There is a way on WordPress.com here that I can see what people typed into their respective search engines to find me. Even though I paid extra to have the website thoughtsandrantsinjoggingpants.com, some people just type those words into Google or whatever, and that’s cool. Some of the ones lower down on the list are pretty interesting though. I’m not suggesting people were trying to find my blog with this combination of words per se, but they did put those combination of words into a search engine, and proceeded to click on my site afterwards. My favourite being “Pissing In Jogging Pants While Sleeping”.

– I just wanted to send a shout out to my #1 commenter. This of course does not count Facebook comments, but actual WordPress comments. Tom Nardone is the guy who comments on my blogs most, and he is quite a talented blogger himself. You can find him at tomnardone.net. You may not agree with anything he says, but you will laugh, and you might concede a few points along the way. Tom, I know you’ll read this….. I DON’T DO THIS FOR ANYONE!! So, feel special 😉

Badd New Post

By Thoughts and Rants in Jogging Pants

That’s what happens when you add a B to Add New Post. I wanted to call this Random Thoughts because that’s all it is, but I probably used that before, and so did every other blogger on WordPress, Blogspot and every other site that allows us to blast the universe with our mental excrement any time we feel the need. What a universe!! Anytime I want to say something to about 200 people including about 24 that I’m absolutely positive give a shit, and 176 or so that possibly do as well, but maybe not, I can do it!! (Hmmmm, do I fix that run on sentence, or just apologize for it in parentheses?) Nothing is here to hold me back other than my own lack of energy.

Some thoughts…..

Yeah, about this blogging thing….. I don’t want to get so negative right before Christmas, but how come I only have 200 followers anyways??? A lot of the bloggers I read have like 2000 followers!! I don’t think they’re 10 times better than me. I think they are probably only marginally better than me. I need to get that exponential thing happening, otherwise….. I dunno……I’m not off on Mondays anymore, and I don’t know how much longer I can push myself to do this every week. Maybe I’ll take a break at 200 posts. That would be one post for each follower. I’m no closer to writing a book than I was when I started this. Unless it’s a book of blogs….Then I’m really close to having it done. I’m running out of blog ideas though. I’m not fishing for inspirational speeches about why I should keep going either… I’m just thinking out loud. This hurts my brain some days.

I think that trailer trash mothers need to not berate their kids so loudly while on public transit. I’m not judging people who live in trailers either. It’s just the stigma…. to be honest, I have no idea where this lady lives, but nothing her 4-year-old was doing was cutting it. ‘Hold on, sit up, stand up, do up your jacket, pick up your scarf, take off your hat, put on your gloves, don’t walk, stand still, sit down, do up your shoes, tuck in your shirt’….. and on and on and on. Dammit woman… stop micromanaging the shit out of your kid on this bus ride, and lower your voice!! Your kid is gonna hate you by the time she’s six! Plus I’m trying to listen to some music. This is my quiet time where I start to unwind from work. I’m not expecting you to be quiet, but stop with the jarring voice noises!! Nothing you’ve said is important enough to say at that volume. You’re acting like you don’t have any stains on your sweatpants, but you aren’t perfect, and all you’re doing is training somebody to be miserable like you. END THE CYCLE!!!

In complete contrast to what I just said, I have another thought which I’d like to share with you. I said this to a friend a couple of years back and he said it helped him. I didn’t remember saying it when he reminded me about it recently, but it makes sense when you think about it, and I was glad he remembered. He asked me about my time working in retail for many years, and how certain bitchy and/or unreasonable customers didn’t fill me with anger to the point of exploding every single day. He wanted to know how I avoided strangling people in these situations. My answer to this is simple. I don’t know their pain. You never know what somebody is going through in their personal life, or how they’ve been treated/mistreated. Sometimes people who’s lives are spiraling out of control can get into customer service situations, and become completely unreasonable to you or I. A lot of times it’s because they can’t control what’s going on in their life, but whatever situation is happening now seems like something they can control and/or get a win out of. I don’t take these situations personally. If somebody is completely unreasonable and un-cooperative, I know deep down that it’s probably because they have other issues outside of this that are making them act that way. I try to find a resolution, and when possible I try to show them some kindness. I try to remember that I’m very fortunate in the grand scheme of things, and I have a really good life. Not everyone is as lucky as me, and if trying to win some sort of weird customer service battle is going to bring them some happiness or satisfaction, I try to let the babies have their bottles. I won’t let it bring me down.

I hope that you can all keep that in mind over the holiday season while you’re elbowing to get to the front of a line, or jostling for a parking spot. People are crazy this time of year, but only they (and sometimes not even) know why! Don’t judge them if you don’t know their pain…… Except for that lady on the bus with her kid…. she needs to take it down a notch 😉

I won’t see you until after Christmas, so I wish all of you (24 or 200 people) a wonderful holiday season. Be good to each other!

6 Comments | tags: Blogging, Christmas, Humor, Humour, Public Transit, rants, Retail, thoughts | posted in Humor, Rants

June 18, 2013

Blog Ideas For the Idea-Less Part 2

By Thoughts and Rants in Jogging Pants

I’ve always wanted to do a sequel. Well here it is. I’ve got nothing today, but a self-imposed deadline that says I need to produce a blog before day’s end. So, I started Google-ing blog ideas to see if any genius decided to post some generic ones that I could write about, then I thought…… ‘wait a minute’…. this all seems so familiar. I did a blog about blog ideas. All I need to do is go back and read it, and pick my favorite idea. So I did. The only problem is that I didn’t like any of the ideas, or else I would have used them before now. I did however like the idea of blogging about blog ideas.
I’ve decided that I’m going to write down additional ideas for blogs that I will either do in the future, or pay it forward (I absolutely HATE that expression….. saying you’re going to ‘pay it forward’ is trying to take credit for doing something that you should probably just do without patting yourself on the back…. knock it off) by donating these ideas to the blogging community. Blog little bloggers!!!! Blog freely and mightily!!! Give these crappy ideas a home!!!!

Here are the ideas….. Feel free to steal these, and don’t feel like you need to ask permission. Permission is granted…..

– Whole Wheat Bread…. A Black Eye On the Sandwich Community
– Why Pandas Are Totally Overrated
– What To Do If Your Wife Likes Zombie/Vampire Movies And You Don’t
– Why Your First Car Is So Much Better Than Mine Was
– The Itchy Hipster Beard
– I Hate Sand, Saltwater, and Sunshine, but I LOVE The Beach
– How To Handle Your Baby Being Better Looking Than You
– My Secret Mission To Fill Ponds With Golf Balls

Awwww man…. 295 words??? Didn’t I just write a blog about how all blogs should be at least 500 words? I should go in and change it. I think I still can. I’ll change it to say ‘unless you are making lists, which by nature do not require a lot of filler words as they are all titles.’ It’s too late. Too many people have read it. I’m going to start a new list below.

These are potential names for a rock band if I ever start one. I always wanted to be a rock star, but it was one of about 7000 things I wanted to do. I haven’t gotten around to it yet, and I have no musical ability, so it’s a long shot at best. I have thought long and hard about band names though. Here’s a sampling……

– Electrical Thug Outlets
– Paranoid Gerbils
– Discreet 2nd Mortgage
– The Founding Mothers
– Tapedeck Wristband
– Devastating Sockpuppets
– Scurvy Pimples
– Leadpipe Tenderness
– Skintag Army Boots
– Picnic Casket
– Stucco Surprise
– The Ironic Glue Guns
– Sweatsock Machismo
– Rancid Daisy Experience
– Unsexy Vampires
– Rolling Credits Plot Twist
– Inbox Spam & Eggs
– The Jolly Ranchers of Grave Concern
– Thundamentals
– Rusty Barf Bags
– Dan’s Still In Distress
– Frog Penis
– Jim Jevitis
– Scrap Metal Ninja Star
– Cryptic Crochet
– Depresso Machine

504… Phew…. I probably could go on, but I’m pretty sure I could get wildly famous with one of the above band names. Now I just need to start playing the guitar.

4 Comments | tags: Blog Ideas, Blogging, Humor, Lists, Rock Band Names | posted in Humor, Uncategorized

June 10, 2013

Blirritations & The New Blog

By Thoughts and Rants in Jogging Pants

Part One: Blirritations (Blog Irritations…. I’m forever inventing words aka wordventing)

I feel a little sheepish writing this post. I read some blogs every week. Not because I enjoy reading, but because it’s bad Karma to write a blog and hope for support, and not read and give support. So I try to read and give support as often as time will allow. I will say that I’m generally pretty impressed with a lot of the blogs I read, and even if I’m not (after all, who the hell am I?), I try give positive feedback, or at least hit the ‘like’ button to let a fellow blogger know I stopped by. I figure this is the least I can do.

I have certain blog pet peeves though, and the reason I hesitate to share these with you is because some of my favourite bloggers do some of these things. I hope that if you are one of these people, and you are doing one or more of these things, that you’ll ignore my complaining, and stick to your guns. You’re my favourite for a reason. These are just minor irritations from a person who tends to get irritated often enough to have a ‘rant’ blog, so consider the source.

By the way, am I being Canadian enough with all these apologies??? What I’m about to say isn’t really that offensive, unless you have a blog where you do 3 or more of these things. Without further nonsense I present my top 5 Blirritations

1. I like a blog to be between 500-1500 words. Under 500 tells me that you aren’t a writer. If you can’t elaborate on an idea for at least 500 words, then why bother? This is writing. I’m not a writer, but I can at least bullshit you into thinking I am for a minimum of 500 words. I don’t often click on a link when the blogger didn’t think enough of their topic to give me 500. I know it’s hard some days, but how do you expect to get better? On the flip side of that coin, if you’re giving me 1500 or more words, you have exceeded my attention span for a blog. I respect you, but unless your post is fully riveting, or ‘shit-your-pants funny’, I would rather read two or three 500-1000 word blogs in the same amount of time.

2. There is a famous saying that ‘a picture is worth a thousand words’. I don’t think whoever said that meant that you could just have a blog and post a bunch of pictures, and not write. I’m struggling with this all the time, and I think that eventually I will bite the bullet and start posting pictures with my blogs. The stats indicate that you get more people reading your stuff if there are pictures posted. On WordPress, if you can get ‘Freshly Pressed’, it seems to lead to about 2000 more followers almost instantly. I really want 2000 more followers, but I need to post pictures and stop swearing in order to make that happen, and unfortunately, the temptation to swear is too strong (because that’s often how I express myself), and I feel it cheapens the blog to post pics (unless it’s a food blog, or travel blog, or something else that requires pics). I’m giving a FREE PASS to bloggers that draw their own pictures. I quite like those. It’s like getting a handmade birthday card instead of store-bought. A picture is worth a thousand words, but I’d rather have a thousand words from a good blogger.

3. There’s this blogging technique where it’s funny to ~~say some crazy shit~~ say what you really mean, and then cross it out and say something more politically correct. This is a deft way of ~~saying some ignorant shit and not taking credit for it~~ making the reader understand how you feel, while not actually including it in the text. It’s the comic strip equivalent of a thought bubble. The character doesn’t say how he/she is feeling to the person she’s talking to, but they let the reader know. Ha ha ha, except this isn’t a fucking comic strip, it’s a blog. I’m not feeling it. If you’re trying to be a better writer, you should try to make your reader feel the exact same way without the shortcuts.

4. There are so many ‘currently popular’ words that come and go. Some get overused, and I’m having a tough time thinking of examples, although I know there are tons of words that I feel this way about. I will focus on ‘Epic’. Not everything is epic. It’s a word that should only be used a fraction of the time that I’m seeing it. Your sandwich isn’t epic. When you tripped over your shoelace, it wasn’t epic. When your girlfriend broke up with you at Starbucks, it wasn’t an epic breakup. When you had too many Jager Bombs, your hangover wasn’t epic. Now if a dinosaur suddenly smashed through your kitchen window with his head, grabbed you, and the contents of the freezer with his teeth, stomped over traffic, and crushed motor vehicles on its way to the beer store, and picked up a case of Lowenbrau tall cans, and flew (with you, freezer contents, and beer in hand) to the nearest park, where he kicked a family of 12 off a barbecue, and started to throw down on some baby back ribs, all while knocking cyclists off the bike path with his tail while the two of you laugh and laugh and laugh, until he eats you for dessert. That would be epic.

5. What on earth is a guest blog?? This isn’t Regis and Kathy Lee, and one of them is sick and needs a replacement! It’s a blog! You’re the writer, so when (and if) I go to your blog, it’s to read YOUR writing. I get that you’re being supportive to a fellow blogger, and want to feature them in some way. I just don’t think that’s the way to do it. Or if you said you would blog every week and you’re sick this week, but honestly, the world will go on if you don’t blog for a few days… god…. how important do you think you are?? It’s not a TV show where ‘the show must go on’, it’s a blog. It shouldn’t go on, if it’s not you doing it.

Part Two:

The New Blog….. http://www.paymevegas.com is up. It will be everything that I just said I hated about blogs probably, but I’m doing it anyways…. Don’t worry (if you were worried), ‘Thoughts and Rants’ is still my baby, and I’ll still be doing this one every Monday. The first post is up on the new one though, so in advance I thank you for checking it out, and potentially following it, if you think it will be of interest to you.

20 Comments | tags: Blogging, Epic, Freshly Pressed, Humor, Irritations, Rant | posted in Humor, Rants, Uncategorized

April 9, 2013

My Bloggiversary

By Thoughts and Rants in Jogging Pants

This is my 51st blog. I’m kind of excited because it means ‘Thoughts and Rants in Jogging Pants’ is a year old. This is a big deal for me because I don’t usually have great success following through on these types of commitments with this type of consistency. A year ago I vowed to write a blog every Monday, and with the exception of the week after my father died/son was born (in the same week!!!!!) I have written a blog. It wasn’t always as amazing as I’d hoped, and to be perfectly honest, it wasn’t always on Monday (as recently as last week). Still, it’s been a pretty good experience. I’ve had a lot of great support and feedback (Thank you!), and it’s made me hungry to continue on and perhaps even start a 2nd blog. Maybe I’ll even write a book. More on that later.

At the end of a year it’s normal to take inventory and think about the year past and the year ahead. I’ve written a pretty rant-heavy group of pieces covering topics including but not limited to chain letters, dog imprisonment, record stores, shopping bag frustration, comb-overs, knitting and other hipster antics, crappy wedding songs and public transit encounters. I feel I’ve still yet to scratch the surface. I feel like there’s way more in the way of disgusting human behavior that I’m yet to cast judgement on. I think there is a world of stupidity that is yet to be made fun of. I know I have answers to some of society’s most burning questions, (like why are Starbucks drinks so expensive? I won’t make you wait for this….. the answer is that a cast of idiots think it’s the perfect place to stare at their laptop for 2 hours, and there are only about 12 places to sit in each one, so if they don’t charge enough, they’ll go out of business. This isn’t your living room or a library ya fuckin squatters…get a house!) and I want to share them with you.

What have I learned?

I’ve learned that not a lot of my followers enjoy sports blogs. I’ve learned that if you want to be featured on the WordPress ‘Freshly Pressed’ section, you have to do something different from what I’m doing (which is cursing, and not including pictures….. and let me say this about that….. I’m not a fan of pictures in blogs….. it’s like cheating…… you’re supposed to captivate your audience without pictures….. unless you actually took the pictures yourself, and it really pertains to what you’re doing like a food blog or a travel blog…. I suppose they would require pictures….. I’m just tired of all these blogs that have pictures that were taken off some other website just so you can have a picture….. but I do understand that more people read your blog if there’s a picture….. so maybe I’ll have to start including pictures…. and I’ll try to swear less in the new blog-year…… I didn’t realize until today how many of my Mom’s friends read this). I’ve learned that I need to read other blogs more, and be supportive of other people to even out my blog-karma. I’ve learned that no matter how awesome I think one of my blogs is, it will not get as many views or comments as one that I don’t think is as good which means one of two things…..Either I have no idea what people like, or people have no idea what I like. Or both. Or neither.

What are my goals for this Blog-Year?

I have 102 people who subscribe to my blog, meaning they get a notification their email every time I post. That seems like a lot, but I know there’s a lot of people who just wait for me to post it on Facebook or Twitter. So I could have more. I would like 1000 by the end of next blog-year. If I get up to 1000 subscribers, I will write a book. Only then will I know that I have a shot at selling 20 or 30 of them. If I can’t get 1000 subscribers to a free blog, then I won’t be able to sell a book anyways, so no real point in writing one. I could spend my energy doing something else. So if you wonder what a book by me might be like, then tell a friend or two about my blog. It’s really easy to become a subscriber. There’s a link on the right side of the page, and you just have to click it (actually there might be more to it for non-wordpress users. I suppose you’ll have to fill in your email address, but pretty easy as far as things go, and you can cancel anytime). I will also add a widget that tells you how many subscribers I’m at. I’m not usually a fan of the shameless self promotion, but nobody ever got anywhere without doing it, so tell 2 friends, and they can tell 2 friends, and so on, and so on, and so on (quick…. where was that from??? Was it a TV commercial??? I honestly don’t know, but I think it was an 80s thing.) To summarize, 1000 subscribers, I write a book, less than 1000 subscribers, no book! Then in my 3rd blog-year I want 1 million subscribers!! Anything less than that and we’re just fooling around.

Anywhoooooooooo…. I’d like to thank everyone who has read Thoughts and Rants in Jogging Pants, and provided feedback/encouragement/support. It’s way more fun to write when you know people are reading. I’ve enjoyed all the new blogger friends I’ve made, and I’m glad that my ramblings are serving a purpose (entertainment), rather than just annoying people. I hope that your morning coffee, or commute to work, or lineup at the bank, or late night glass of wine, or whatever situation you’ve been in that’s made you want to read this blog as been better for it. I’m honoured to have you as readers 🙂

19 Comments | tags: Anniversary, Blog-Year, Blogging, Freshly Pressed, Starbucks, Subscribers, writing | posted in Humor, Rants, Uncategorized

November 12, 2012

Blog Ideas for the Idea-Less

By Thoughts and Rants in Jogging Pants

Google is always perfect for sort of almost giving you what you might need in some situations. Consistently! All I need today is a proper idea for a blog topic. I’ve promised not to do a parenting blog, but have done nothing in the past week other than work and parenting, eating and sleeping. I don’t blog about work as I like to keep that separate. Oh the blogs I could write about eating and sleeping……. but perhaps not as interesting for everyone else.

So here I was, stuck with no topic, and not really even able to think of one at the last-minute like usual. So I enlisted the help of the Google search engine, hoping I could find a good Blog Topic. One link suggested all these different formats like ‘instructional’, ‘inspirational’, and ‘lists’. Dude!!! That’s not an idea. That’s a format! If I want to write an inspirational blog, I still need to be inspired. You’ve solved nothing. Next link…..There were ideas like ‘behavioural disorders’, ‘How to train for a triathlon’, ‘interior design’. These I’ll admit, are better ideas, but I don’t know about these things. You need to be an expert to write blogs like that. I’m not an expert on anything.

I want ideas…. you know…. short-term fixes!! Something where I can say, ‘oh yeah, I’ll just write about that’. No research. No homework. Just fresh blog post ideas!

Like the following……..

– ‘The Time Jimmy the Martian Stubbed His Toe on the Bike Rack’

– ‘Why Celery has Destroyed the Middle Class’

– ‘How to Avoid Paper Cuts at Your New Job in the Photo Copy Room While Moonlighting Part Time at the Bookstore’

– ‘Reasons Why None of Madonna’s Ex Husbands Will be the Next U.S. President’

– ‘Why I Refuse to Believe that Hot Latinas Hang Out At the YMCA, Contrary to the Information on the Bus Posters’

– ‘Celebrating mediocrity With Gusto’ or…… ‘Celebrating Gusto with mediocrity’

– ‘Sesame Street – The Pre-Elmo Years’

– ‘Crocodile Tears vs. Crocodile Boots’

– ‘Plantar Fasciitis… the Next Plague’

– ‘Cereal Killers on the Loose’

– ‘Surreal Killers on the Loose’

– ‘Serial Killers, Captured and Locked Up’

– ‘How Does Santa Have Time to Visit So Many Friggin Malls?’

– ‘Not Having a Blog Idea is a Great Idea’

– ‘What the Fuck is up With Cottage Cheese??? Aint No Cheese Like That at Any Cottage I’ve Ever Been To’

– ‘Hot Yoga Mats and Why You Should Stop Acting Like One’

– ‘More Baking and Less Blogging – A Baking Blogger’s Family Plea’

– ‘The Rise and Fall of the Bobblehead’

– ‘How Lamar Odom Married a Kardashian and Almost Instantly Became the Shittiest Basketball Player on the Planet’

– ‘My Philanthropy, and Why it Would be the Perfect Name for a White Wine’

– ‘List Blogs, and How You Should Probably End Them Before The Ideas get Really Bad’

To any bloggers reading this. If you think any of these ideas aren’t completely terrible, you’re welcome to them.

11 Comments | tags: Blog Ideas, Blogging, Google, Humor, Humour, Lists, Search Engines | posted in Humor, Uncategorized

July 30, 2012

Don’t worry….. I’m not going to blog about you!

By Thoughts and Rants in Jogging Pants

To give you a bit of a background, I’ve had a small lack of inspiration happening this morning. There’s usually the moment where I haven’t had coffee yet, and I can’t write, but then a few hours later there’s the moment where I’ve had too much coffee and I can’t write. There is a finite opportunity for me to get this blog off, and if I piss around too much within that window, then the quality of my product decreases significantly. Usually I wake up Monday morning knowing I need to blog to fulfill my commitment to myself (and now some faithful readers…. thank you). I’m lucky if I already have a topic picked out, but usually if I don’t, I quickly come up with something. They say writers should write even if they have nothing to write about, just to stay in the habit of doing it, plus it’s probably a good test of skill to pull off some half decent writing with no inspiration. I want badly to write about ‘writer’s block’ but it’s so cliché. I sometimes ask people for topics, but for whatever strange reason, I never want to write about things that people suggest I should write about. Today I would like to write about the impact my writing has on my social life. Yes….I’m going to blog about blogging! It was only a matter of time.

I was just instant messaging with a friend. We were catching up, and I hadn’t come up with a blog topic yet, so I asked him for one (knowing I probably wouldn’t use it). He had just had us over for a get together on the weekend, and he suggested I write about house parties! The ins & outs, expectations & pitfalls, dos & don’ts, the anecdotal booze rules…… That’s a pretty good topic. He knows me well, and knows I could write passionately about the subject, because I love a good house party! Herein lies the problem with that. If I do this, people in my circle that have read my blog could become ‘house party self conscious’ if they choose to invite me. Am I over reacting? Possibly, but this past Saturday night I was at their house attending one of the better get-togethers I’d been to in some time. They had renovated the backyard, they had one of those big tents to keep the bugs out so we could sit around outside. The food was good, they had cool drinks, great music, guacamole, nice mix of our friends. I had a great time. Then when my buddy offered coffee to everyone, he mentioned that he didn’t have cream. Two other people piped up and mentioned a previous blog that I had written about the importance of having cream for your coffee. We all had a good laugh, but I felt a range of emotions. 1) Flattered that people are reading my blog and almost able to quote stuff from it. 2) Bad because something I wrote contributed to a moment where I was basically now judging them for not having cream in the house, even though I would never have said anything, and 3) Embarrassed, because publishing that blog months earlier was now the equivalent of getting up in the middle of a room and shouting “OH MY GOD, THESE GUYS DON’T HAVE CREAM FOR THEIR COFFEE”, which was such a small detail to an otherwise amazing night. I don’t even think anyone was going to drink coffee!!!

It’s a very interesting dynamic. I’ve started a blog which whether intentionally or not has become something of a ‘rant’ blog. People tend to find me more entertaining when I’m angry or feisty (according to the site stats) which is actually rather inconvenient for me since I prefer just to be cool and laid back. Upon reading some of my own stuff, I appear to be auditioning for a job with the ‘behaviour police’ and judging everyone I come across in the world which was really not my original intention. It’s funny how lately, people I know will occasionally reference a situation, and say ‘I wonder if he’ll blog about that’, or ‘I hope he doesn’t blog about me’.

I’ve learned a great lesson about how words (even on a small-scale such as this) are forever once published. Even though I’ve never mentioned any names, and have rarely made reference to anybody I know, I have been putting my opinions out there into the world. I try to make them general rather than specific, but you may fit into a category of people who I’ve made fun of or spoken out against. If it’s happened with people I know, I hope we’re still cool. I’m legitimately worried that if I wrote a post about house parties and how I think they should be, that people would be nervous about inviting me to theirs, thinking I’d be making notes or filling out a report card. I don’t want to put pressure on people like that. I just want to have a cold beer.

In general though, I just want you to know that you don’t have to worry. I’m not so desperate for blog topics that I would intentionally embarrass any of you. I am not waiting for you to screw up in life so I can write about you. I’ve seen enough random strangers doing a lifetime’s worth of idiotic things, that I can write about that until my hands fall off. Just in case you were wondering…….Hope we can still hang out 🙂

7 Comments | tags: Blogging, Coffee, embarrassing others, Humor, Humour, parties | posted in Humor

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