On the bus/streetcar/subway………
I’m so glad you feel comfortable enough on this bus to bring your take-out food, and eat a full-on meal here in front of me. I think this is an important step in our relationship as complete strangers. Ohhh the aroma, what is that?? Maybe you could give me the address of the place where you picked that up. I’m so interested in your dining experience, I just wish there was something I could do to make you more comfortable. Maybe I could stand, so you could put your food down. Maybe I have napkins in my pocket. I can’t believe this stupid bus doesn’t have a drink holder for you. It’s so innovative of you to think of eating here, and providing a dual purpose for this vehicle which until you got here was only good for transportation.
I love the way you put your makeup on while riding the subway. It’s amazing that I’m able to witness the entire transition on my commute to work in the morning. It’s not just lipstick with you, is it? You’ve got the whole case here. This is going to be valuable for me to see you do this in a moving vehicle no less. I’ll cross my fingers while you do your eye makeup. I hope you’re done before I get to work so I can see the finished product. I know you’ll look like an absolute princess when you’re done and it means a lot to me that you allowed me to see the blank canvas first, and that now I know how it must feel to be inside of your bathroom. No really…. Thank you! I feel closer to you!
Dude, that seat on the bus that you’re on is really a 2-seater. I mean it’s a love seat. It only makes sense for you to sprawl out. It’s important to me that you’re as relaxed and comfortable as possible. There’s only an off chance that someone else would want to sit in the other seat, and besides…. you got here first! You and your friend are chillin hard right now, so it’s only sensible that you re-create the conditions of your living room. You should really talk louder too. I don’t know if your buddy can hear you over the annoying rumbling of the train engine, and the other people on the train. You should really sit as far apart from each other as possible, because you’re saying some really interesting deep stuff right now, and I think the rest of the train can benefit from hearing it. Thank you for being open and generous with your thoughts. You’re really making the rest of us feel welcome.
Oh and the guy with the iPod??? You are groovin up a storm. The way you’re actually rapping some of the lyrics out loud is like entertainment for me. You are mad talented, and I feel like Drake is right here on the subway train. I might need an autograph after this. How can I get that song on my iPod? The way you’re doing a live rendition of it??? I should be so lucky to have live entertainment on my work commute. I didn’t even have to pay for a ticket. Man…. you’re dancing like nobody’s watching!!!! That is philosophically in alignment with every bit of ‘life advice’ I’ve ever received. I can only hope that some day I might have the courage to do the same. You inspire me!!
NOT
thoughtsandrantsinjoggingpants 
July 16th, 2012 at 6:15 pm
Absolutley love it. The other day I was in the library and a man was “Draking” it up on one of the computers while I and the rest of the foolish library patrons tried to read. We obviously were at fault. Who goes to the library to read?
July 17th, 2012 at 2:53 am
Not me, I’ve only ever been to the library to nap 😉
July 17th, 2012 at 12:32 am
Wonder what the other freaks on the train are saying about YOU! 🙂
July 17th, 2012 at 2:49 am
Why is this dude staring at us?????
July 18th, 2012 at 6:56 am
Amazing post! I’m kind of jealous that your experiences of public transport have been so fantastic. Inspired by you, I think I’ll spend my free time going on trains and buses more, to understand how great it is.
July 24th, 2012 at 12:26 am
Haha… I don’t know that it’s ‘great’, but if you’re a writer, there’s no better place to find inspiration.
July 29th, 2012 at 12:36 pm
Loved this post! Can i tell you how many times I’ve seen people chow down on a full meal? Also – can we talk about how the food is always ethnic? It’s never a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Now I’m ethnic – and I love me some Indian/Mexican/Polish food – but really? On the train? One day I’ll tell you about my horrific ride on a Greyhound Bus (do they have those in Canada or are you ahead of us on that too?) from NYC to Philadelphia. The woman next to me spent the entire 3 hours eating some sort of Jamaican food. I thought I was going to die.