Monthly Archives: August 2013

People Disappoint Me….. As They Should!

When I was a kid I was vaguely aware that a lot of other kids were a bunch of whiny assholes. I probably was one as well, to be fair. The funny thing is that I always had this sense that the situation would improve as I got older. I don’t know if it was me being optimistic, or just having faith in the theory of people maturing as time moved on. I suppose there are a lot more examples of people growing up, then not, but it’s the ones where they don’t that stick out in my mind. I’m not going to list off all the times that I thought grown adults acted like 6-year-olds. That would take forever, and I just don’t have that kind of time or attention span. I just want to say that as an adult, I’m disappointed when I see other adults behaving like they just started going to school for the ‘full-day classes’. That said, who am I to judge? What did I think was going to happen? We’re the same exact people that we were when we were 6. Just older. Most of us evolved some, but when the pressure’s on, sometimes that ‘inner 6-year-old’ has to take over and weigh in with his/her opinions and antics. It’s probably too much to expect that we could have completely gotten to a point where that doesn’t come out anymore. Could a world full of mature people even exist? What would that be like? It could be awesome, but maybe it would have its own share of problems that I can’t quite foresee. So…. I guess it’s OK?

Politics is my favorite example. When you read about it in the paper, they use fancy words like conjecture, posturing, and semantics. That’s because there are intelligent people writing about a non-intelligent situation. When you watch some coverage of them operating on TV, and these people are some of the most immature we have in society. The way they argue with each other, airing out their pissy little grievances with their selfish little agendas….. forming their little cliques and alliances….these are the people we depend on to run our towns/cities/provinces/states/countries! It’s disappointing. I don’t normally follow politics for this reason. Every time I feel like I might be interested, there’s some display of foolishness and incompetence that I’d rather just not know about, which drives me away. You know what though? They’re people. Not unlike the people in the first paragraph. Except these people are more interested in power, and they want to be shot callers! Oh sure, there are a few martyrs out there too that just give and give and give themselves for the betterment of society (if that’s what you choose to believe), but at the root of it all, none of these people would have had any interest in politics if it weren’t at least somewhat in their nature to want to be shot-callers. You put a bunch of shot-callers in the same room all day, and make the stakes incredibly high, and what do you get?? Conjecture, posturing, and semantics….. all fucking day! What did we expect?

Finally, there’s a story in Toronto about a police officer who shot a suspect carrying a knife 8 times (on 9 shots) and killed him. I feel like this news story plays different in Canada than it would in the States, but the media is all over the police department for excessive violence. As they should be. There has to be a better way to take down a suspect. The way this has all played out in the media has been totally one-sided though. What happened to a person taking some responsibility for being there with a knife in the first place? Also not dropping it when the police told him to? I don’t know the whole back story, and very little has been mentioned about what was really happening at the time the police arrived, but the victim at very least made a decision to carry a knife that day, and the rest isn’t that important to me. I can’t give him advice now, but I will say this to any of you out there that might get into some shit. If you are wielding a knife, and a bunch of cops are there asking you to put it down, you might not be expecting to die at that moment, but you HAVE to respect the fact that it could happen. That’s just common sense. Right or wrong, police are human beings, and it’s not an automatic that you will just get tasered or shot in the leg. If you make them mad, there’s always a chance that you could get lit up. I want to believe that the police are generally good people. I want to believe that they don’t get into situations like that on purpose. They are just people though. Who knows if you got them into a corner, or underneath their skin enough? Everyone has a breaking point. They carry guns. I have a theory that most cops have violent tendencies. I would think that it’s a bit of a requirement for their job. If you are hoping to never be in any type of altercation, than you aren’t likely to try to become a police officer. There has to be something in your personality which suggests that you wouldn’t mind walking around with a gun, and if push came to shove, you wouldn’t mind using it. If this wasn’t the case, why would you become a cop? Oh, I’m sure just as in the above paragraph that there are some absolute saints who become cops just because they want to help clean up the city. For every one of those, there have to be at least one or two tough guys that would love to carry a gun and be an authority figure. There’s nothing wrong with that as long as they’re out there fighting the good fight, but I certainly wouldn’t wave a knife at one of them.

Do We Really Need It?

I was watching a TV commercial the other day. If I knew I’d be blogging about it, I would have tried to remember what product they were selling. It could have been a phone, but not necessarily. There was a 3 second clip of a girl’s hand reaching out from behind the shower curtain and changing which song was playing on her phone…… Now as someone who takes the music I listen to very seriously, I have to ask….. How long is your friggin shower that you can’t sort out a 3 or 4 song playlist, or that you don’t have the attention span to get through it without reaching for your phone to put on a different ‘shower song’? We ARE a society that needs our phones, I get it, but do we need them SO badly that they have to be in the shower with us?

What about hashtags??? Not being a huge Twitter guy, this was explained to me as a way to organize your thoughts or connect with other people. From where I’m standing, it’s a corny punchline opportunity at the end of your status update. Have we really organized our statuses, and went back and looked through them? Have we gotten a bunch of new followers? Or have we just #triedtogetacheaplaughattheendofourstatusupdate?
It’s kind of dumb. Let’s stop.

Do we really need to know what’s going on in Lindsay Lohan’s life? I haven’t seen any of her movies. I don’t want to downplay her accomplishments, but she’s spent way more time on TV for partying too hard, then she has for being an actress. My personal opinion is that what someone does things on their own time, it’s their own business, but at least if the Gossip Mag taste-makers decide who they’re going to follow around, and report every move they make as news…..make it someone I’ve heard of.

Light Peanut Butter. Give me a break guys…. I’m all for making healthy changes, but with 25% less fat, it doesn’t even taste like peanut butter. The graininess of it chafing my throat on the way down. It’s so awful, what a horrible invention. Nobody’s getting fat from peanut butter. Get over it. We don’t need this product. It looks too much like the regular one. Sometimes we buy it by accident. Just get it off the shelves. Also, I’m pretty sure whole wheat bread hasn’t saved all the lives you think it has.

Swag is either short for swagger or its free shit. Make up your mind. It’s a dumb word for either if you ask me. Swagger is probably the easiest two-syllable word to say in the English language, it doesn’t need a short form. Swag?? Free shit?? I don’t get it. According to it’s an acronym for ‘secretly we are gay’. Who knew?

Speed bumps are popping up everywhere. I understand they serve a purpose sometimes, but I hate going over them. It just pisses me off when they are in unnecessary locations. Especially traffic calming zones. How much did you assholes pay for your house that we have to drive slow on your street, but fast everywhere else? It makes me want to ‘accidentally’ smash my car into the tree on someone’s front yard just to prove that they don’t work. Give me a break.

Pre-season Football. I love the NFL, but pre-season sucks. None of the good players play. It’s too long. None of the information from pre-season ever helps me with my fantasy team. It’s just a waste of time. Start the season already!!!

50 Things About Me

I stopped taking the train. So many of my blog topics resulted from craziness I would witness on public transit. I’m out of ideas man…. fresh out! So I decided to cheat a bit this week. You know those annoying surveys that people fill out on Facebook, and then try to get you to fill out?? I decided to fill one of those out and post here for my faithful readers who wanted to get to know me a bit better (as I’m sure it’s totally keeping you up at night that you don’t know me well enough….. or not so much). Some of these surveys were designed for teenagers. They were basic as shit. I had to root through a few lists before I found one that I didn’t hate as much. Questions 2 and 3 grabbed my attention. Right to the point. As I’m writing this, I haven’t even read the rest of the questions, but I promise I will answer them relatively honestly 🙂

1) Favorite object in your room?
My bed…. this is way too easy.

2) Have you ever smoked heroin
No. I haven’t injected it into my veins either.

3) Do you own guns?
No. I’m Canadian.

4) What flavor do you add to your drink at sonic?
What’s Sonic? I’m Canadian.

5) Do you get nervous before doctor appointments?
Yes. Like a cat in a room full of rocking chairs.

6) What do you think of hot dogs?
I think it’s the best meal you can get for $3.

7) Favorite song?
Electric Relaxation – A Tribe Called Quest

8) What do you prefer to drink in the morning?

9) Can you do push ups?
I think so, but I wouldn’t know.

10) Can you do a chin up?
As long as we’re just talking about one, then yes.

11) What’s your favorite piece of jewelry?
My wedding ring. I don’t wear any other jewelry.

12) do you like blue cheese?
Yes. Love it!

13) Ever been in a car wreck?
Yup. ‘wreck’ seems like it would mean a major collision. Only one of those, but I’ve definitely hit stuff with my car on other occasions. In fact, my car is at the body shop as we speak.

14) What’s one trait that you hate about yourself?
I’m a procrastinator. I’m way more effective when I just do stuff.

15) Middle name?
Sorry, I know I said I’d answer everything, but paranoid about identity theft etc.

16) Name 3 thoughts going through your head at this moment?
Man, I hope this blog doesn’t suck. These questions better get better or this blog is gonna suck. These answers better get better or this blog is gonna suck.

17) Name 3 things you bought yesterday?
I was not at a store yesterday, but to make this answer more interesting, if money were no object and I could go back in time, I would have bought a car, a house, and an entertainment system.

18) Name 3 drinks you drink regularly?
Water, coffee, beer.

19) Name 3 foods you eat regularly?
Chicken Wings, Salmon, Steak.

20) Current worry?
That I’ll hate my next job.

21) Current hate right now?
I hate how summer is zipping by at light speed. Summers used to last forever. Every day seems like 5 minutes to me.

22) Do you spend Christmas with extended family?
Yes on my wife’s side. My family is super small, and our extended family is out-of-town.

23) How did you bring in the New Year?
I don’t even remember. I’m pretty sure we were in bed, and I’m not even sure if we were awake. In my defence, I spent many years partying with the best of them, and New Year’s eve was my favourite night of the year to go out, but we just had our son in mid-October, and were sleep deprived, so…… I’m not as lame as I sound.

24) Where would you like to be right now?
Vegas baby.

25) Name three people who will complete this?
Hopefully nobody. This aint no Facebook thing.

26) Do you own slippers?

27) What shirt are you wearing?
A blue and green golf shirt.

28) Do you like sleeping on satin sheets?
What am I? A pimp?

29) Can you whistle?

30) Which hand do you use to write?

31) Would you be a pirate?
I’ve been a pirate. On Halloween. I was a pretty kick-ass pirate too, as I recall.

32) What songs do you sing in the shower?
I don’t sing in the shower, but ‘With or Without You’ by U2 is my song when in the car by myself.

33) Favorite girl’s name?
I don’t have one. Lucky I didn’t have a girl.

34) Favorite boy’s name?

35) What’s in your pocket?

36) Last person that made you laugh?
My wife. When we watch baseball together, and the pitching coach comes to the mound to talk to the pitcher, she re-enacts what she thinks they are saying to each other. “Throw strikes!!” “I’ve been trying to throw strikes…. they just haven’t been strikes” “OK, but you need to throw strikes…. so I’m gonna go sit down on the bench, and you start throwing strikes OK?” “Ok, I’ll start throwing strikes”………it goes on and on, but she does a funny voice, and you really have to be there, but trust me, it’s hilarious.

37) Best bed sheets as a child?
I had a Sesame Street pillow which had that front stoop on it. This is pre-Elmo days, but I’m pretty sure Big Bird, Oscar, Grover, Bert & Ernie were there. I would assume I had matching sheets, but I don’t remember the sheets that well.

38) Worst injury you’ve ever had?
I broke my elbow playing basketball. I was driving to the basket, and as I jumped, some short guy under-cut me, and I started to go down head first. Instead of bracing myself right away, I tried to put a little extra English on the lay-up. I ended up cracking my elbow. I did score the basket though. It was spectacular….. but I was in a cast for 6 weeks.

39) Do you love where you live?
Yes. Toronto is one of the greatest cities in the world, and Canada is one of the greatest countries to live in the world. I couldn’t be happier.

40) How many TVs do you have in your house?

41) Who is your loudest friend?
Hard to say. You know what they say if you can’t figure out who the loudest friend is?? It’s you!

42) How many dogs do you have?
Zero. How assumptive was that?

43) Does someone have a crush on you?
Of course. In my mind, dozens of women have crushes on me. It may not be true.

45) Did you notice that there is no number 44?
Yeah. When I copied and pasted the questionnaire, I noticed this question, but I probably would not have noticed otherwise.

46) What is your favorite candy?
I don’t know. Werther’s Originals?? The ones with chocolate on the inside.

47) Favorite Sports Team?Â
Toronto Blue Jays

48) Where is the next place you want to travel to?
That I haven’t been to? I was hoping for Switzerland. Although I do have this nasty little Vegas habit, and that is probably where I’ll end up.

49) What were you doing 12 AM last night?
Washing the dishes. FML

50) What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up?
I remembered that my son crawled for the first time last night, and I wondered if he was excited about today.


Today’s the Day

So I woke up this morning and thought ‘Today’s the day I’m going to get a tattoo on my calf muscle to symbolize my belief in the jellyfish equality movement’…. and then I thought ‘no, today’s the day I get a pair of loafers to wear with no socks’……. and then I thought ‘no, today’s the day I finally paint my fingernails blue, but do the ring fingers white for an accent colour’……. and then I thought ‘no, today’s the day that I buy an old beat up bike, and ride around downtown with no helmet or respect for the rules of the road, but engage in self-righteous dialogue about how there aren’t enough bike lanes’…….and then I thought ‘no, today’s the day that I crack open that book I bought (you know, the one about the top 100 foods to eat that will make you look younger), and buy a Costco sized supply of the top 10 foods, and blend them together into a smoothie that will be so healthy, it will launch me back into childhood within 3 weeks of regular consumption……. then I thought ‘no, today’s the day that I start writing letters to all of my family and friends in invisible ink so they can wonder how much I care about them’…….. then I thought ‘no, today’s the day I set up an elaborate course with 100,000 dominoes in the pattern of the Queen’s head, and film it falling on Youtube, and become an internet sensation’…….. then I thought ‘no, today’s the day that I go for one of those Japanese pedicures where little fish eat the dead skin off your feet’…… then I thought ‘no, today’s the day I buy a car for cheap, fix it up, and re-sell it for what I was hoping would be a profit, but actually ends up costing me $150 to launch a car flipping business, and get top quality business cards printed up, with pens and mugs on the way for Christmas’………and then I thought ‘no, today’s the day I sweat to the oldies’…….. and then I thought ‘no, today’s the day that I bake, and bake with cinnamon’…… and then I thought ‘no, today’s the day that I head down to the train tracks and re-popularize the game of chicken’……. and then I thought ‘no, today is the day that I start that book I’ve been meaning to write’…….. and then I thought ‘no, today is the day that I go through all my high school yearbooks and call up everyone that ever left me their phone numbers, and ask how their summer was’……….and then I thought ‘no, today is the day to start that upscale nightclub themed lemon-aid stand that I’ve always talked about, OR find investors for that lemon-aid stand themed nightclub I’ve always talked about’…….and then I thought ‘no, today is the day that I’m going to start cross training in anticipation of that thing that I’m not going to get around to doing’…… and then I thought ‘no, today is the day that I’m going to write a letter to Pepsi demanding to see supporting evidence that it was really the preferable drink in that Pepsi Challenge’……then I thought ‘no, today is going to be the day that I’m going to purchase season one of “The Price is Right” and start watching them all from the beginning’……. and then I thought ‘no, today is going to be the day that I brainstorm a bunch of ideas just to shoot them down, and then sit on the couch and eat cheesy dill popcorn’……. and it was.