Today’s the Day

So I woke up this morning and thought ‘Today’s the day I’m going to get a tattoo on my calf muscle to symbolize my belief in the jellyfish equality movement’…. and then I thought ‘no, today’s the day I get a pair of loafers to wear with no socks’……. and then I thought ‘no, today’s the day I finally paint my fingernails blue, but do the ring fingers white for an accent colour’……. and then I thought ‘no, today’s the day that I buy an old beat up bike, and ride around downtown with no helmet or respect for the rules of the road, but engage in self-righteous dialogue about how there aren’t enough bike lanes’…….and then I thought ‘no, today’s the day that I crack open that book I bought (you know, the one about the top 100 foods to eat that will make you look younger), and buy a Costco sized supply of the top 10 foods, and blend them together into a smoothie that will be so healthy, it will launch me back into childhood within 3 weeks of regular consumption……. then I thought ‘no, today’s the day that I start writing letters to all of my family and friends in invisible ink so they can wonder how much I care about them’…….. then I thought ‘no, today’s the day I set up an elaborate course with 100,000 dominoes in the pattern of the Queen’s head, and film it falling on Youtube, and become an internet sensation’…….. then I thought ‘no, today’s the day that I go for one of those Japanese pedicures where little fish eat the dead skin off your feet’…… then I thought ‘no, today’s the day I buy a car for cheap, fix it up, and re-sell it for what I was hoping would be a profit, but actually ends up costing me $150 to launch a car flipping business, and get top quality business cards printed up, with pens and mugs on the way for Christmas’………and then I thought ‘no, today’s the day I sweat to the oldies’…….. and then I thought ‘no, today’s the day that I bake, and bake with cinnamon’…… and then I thought ‘no, today’s the day that I head down to the train tracks and re-popularize the game of chicken’……. and then I thought ‘no, today is the day that I start that book I’ve been meaning to write’…….. and then I thought ‘no, today is the day that I go through all my high school yearbooks and call up everyone that ever left me their phone numbers, and ask how their summer was’……….and then I thought ‘no, today is the day to start that upscale nightclub themed lemon-aid stand that I’ve always talked about, OR find investors for that lemon-aid stand themed nightclub I’ve always talked about’…….and then I thought ‘no, today is the day that I’m going to start cross training in anticipation of that thing that I’m not going to get around to doing’…… and then I thought ‘no, today is the day that I’m going to write a letter to Pepsi demanding to see supporting evidence that it was really the preferable drink in that Pepsi Challenge’……then I thought ‘no, today is going to be the day that I’m going to purchase season one of “The Price is Right” and start watching them all from the beginning’……. and then I thought ‘no, today is going to be the day that I brainstorm a bunch of ideas just to shoot them down, and then sit on the couch and eat cheesy dill popcorn’……. and it was.