Tag Archives: Nike

How Blogging Is (Nothing) Like Jogging

Blogging and jogging have a lot in common. They also have many differences. That could be said about anything and everything, but anything and everything don’t rhyme. Blogging and jogging have ogging in common. I’ve decided to explore how these two activities are intertwined after I voted down the whole New Year’s ‘I’m gonna blog more often in the new year’ bullshit. I’m smart enough, and honest enough to know that’s not true. Let’s explore jogging and blogging in point form…..

– Jogging doesn’t require jogging pants, but jogging pants are named after the activity of jogging, so if you wore jogging pants while jogging, people wouldn’t look at you funny at all. While blogging, I wear jogging pants periodically, and my blog is also named after jogging pants which is named after jogging, so don’t tell me these are unrelated topics. Little known fact about yours truly???? I seldom wear jogging pants, when jogging or blogging, but don’t tell anyone. I’ve branded myself as someone who wears jogging pants while blogging, and if you tell someone that I actually don’t, I’ll deny it.

– When jogging (I assume…. I don’t fucking jog) sometimes you finish your run, and feel really good about what you’ve accomplished, and that gets you on the right track to enjoying the rest of your day. Other times I would imagine you probably want to quit halfway through and eat a hamburger, and quitting is the only thing that will make you happy, but if you decide to not quit, and see it through to the end, it’s just miserable times until it’s finally over. When blogging, it’s an absolute joy from beginning to end about 15% of the time. The rest of the time you have to grind it out. The difference is I can actually eat a hamburger halfway through, and it doesn’t physically stop me from finishing, but the beef fat that gets into my bloodstream and travels up to my brain makes it challenging to finish, so sometimes I take a nap.

– Joggers will tell you that the act of jogging keeps them in good shape and is great for their physical well-being. Bloggers will tell you that the act of blogging is great exercise for their creativity. Joggers probably won’t tell you that the impact is slowly killing their knees, and bloggers won’t tell you that typing makes them sleepy, and they’d rather be napping.

– Sometimes Nike will do television commercials where people are leading unrealistically awesome lives because they jog at 5 in the morning or torture their body in some other awful way, because they gotta ‘just do it’. Nike doesn’t do blogging commercials because blogging doesn’t sell footwear. I’ve contacted Nike, and offered to wear their jogging pants while I blog. They haven’t responded yet. I think coffee companies could use bloggers in their commercials. Bloggers drink coffee with the best of them. Just picture a commercial where the blogger hits the publish button, and then takes a sip of coffee while all the comments and likes fill up in their inbox while they laugh diabolically. In reality, most of us get about half a dozen likes and maybe one comment from the same supportive relative over and over. Half of these bloggers would way rather hang out in a Starbucks and pretend it’s their living room/office rather than brew their own coffee.

– Jogging is sweaty. Blogging is sweaty if it’s summer and you don’t have A/C. Or if you’ve just been sitting there way too long with no ideas, and your body is rejecting all your bodily fluids, hoping you’ll give this up already, and move onto something more awesome like napping.

– Jogging really sucks when the weather isn’t nice. Hardcore joggers will jog regardless of the weather. Blogging is the opposite in that it really sucks when it’s nice out, and you’d rather be outside. Hardcore bloggers will still blog when they should go out. Blogging is the best when it’s shitty out. Crappy weather, some good ideas, and free time is the ultimate blogging trifecta, and for the 2 days a year that happens, man can I ever write!!!!

– Blogging about jogging is boring. It’s a shitty topic. Blogging about blogging is boring too. I’m guilty of the latter sometimes. Hopefully blogging about jogging and blogging together has not been boring. Either way, I’m going to have a nap.

Back to the Future Too

I was walking through a Las Vegas hotel shopping center this morning when I saw the Marty McFLy Nikes from Back to the Future 2, when he goes to the future and they have flying cars, auto drying jackets, hoverboards, and of course Nikes with power laces. That was supposed to be 2015. It’s 2013 now, and I don’t see a lot of that future happening right now. Although we did come up with the internet which is far more efficient than the 17 fax machines scattered over the future McFly household.

My 3 month old son was not impressed by these shoes. He’s part of this new generation of kids that apparently aren’t impressed with anything. I can’t wait to show him these movies, but I don’t know how I’ll explain it to him. ‘Son, this kid hangs out with an old scientist…..okay wait….. this kid goes to the past in a time machine, but then in part 2 he goes to the future, which is now in the past, and……wait wait…. ok just watch it!!! Trust me, it’s awesome.’ But is it? Will it be awesome for him? Probably not. Why? Because my father grew up watching westerns and that was never awesome to me. Who knows what my son will like? Who knows what his life will include?

Will my son have to deal with a Biff Tannen? Will he have his own version of the ‘Enchantment Under the Sea’ dance?Will there be a short-lived phenomenon like Pepsi Free? (If you want a Pepsi kid, you’re gonna have to pay for it.) Will there be a Cafe 80s (please let there be a Cafe 80s). Will ‘butthead’ be an appropriate thing to call people? Will he understand the implications of 1.21 Jigawatts, and will he be able to purchase plutonium at the corner store? (Because we all know that the only other thing that could possibly generate that kind of power would be a bolt of lightning!!!). Will he be the kind of guy that would want to show his dad a few tricks (like how to talk to girls and ask them to the dance??…..Whatever kid, you never would have been born if I didn’t already know that stuff ;)). Will he know that if he puts his mind to it, he can accomplish anything? Will he know that it’s not necessary to worry about somebody calling him chicken? (Even if it was Flea, the bass player from the Red Hot Chili Peppers, who are now in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame!!) Will he want to ‘Save The Clock Tower’? Will he be a guitar player? Will he dream of having a big truck to take his girlfriend camping with? Will he be a slacker according to school officials? Will he think everything is heavy? Will he be a skateboarder? Will he try to get rich betting on sporting events only to watch somebody else get rich betting on sporting events? Will he be able to steer clear of all the manure trucks that life has to offer?

Only time will tell!

Carpe Diem…. Or Don’t…. And Other Stuff

I hate it when people say Carpe Diem.  I don’t know why.  It’s supposed to inspire you to do things.  It doesn’t work for me.  Too many people say it.  Too many Non-Latin Day Seizers out there for my liking.  Don’t tell me to seize the day.  You seize the day and show me how awesome it was, and then I’ll want to do it myself.  Lead by example!  What’s the Latin terminology for that??  According to the Internet it’s ‘plumbum per exempoator’!!!!  I know…… Not so catchy is it?  Carpe Diem is easy.  Convenient!  Lazy!  I feel like it’s a way to make yourself sound interesting by using a different language, and saying something uplifting at the same time.  I’m going to come up with a new catch phrase that you can all start using.  It will mean something to me when I hear it.  It will mean something to everyone when they hear it.  It won’t be some vague instruction, but it won’t be so specific to any one situation so as not to make sense in others.  It will also be in English.  The only language I speak.  This is gold.  Are you ready????

‘Finish That Thing You Started!’

Well???  What do you think?  Is that Nike calling me for slogan rights?  Status updates will never be the same.  This has crazy T-Shirt potential.  There’s not a person on the planet that can’t relate to that message, and get inspired to do whatever that little project was that they always wanted to do, but never found the time.  Finish it!!!!  You’re welcome Oprah!

OK, I can’t go on like this….. I don’t really feel like writing a full blog on one idea.  Which is good and bad for me.  Good because I don’t have to burn a lot of creativity trying to stretch out a mediocre topic, but bad because I will have to burn 3 or 4 blog ideas just to get up to my usual word count.  So without further ado, (and fully in the spirit of finishing what I started) I bring you…..

‘Other Stuff’

– I saw a bus ad the other day for a website, and they don’t reveal the company’s name (yet…..I’m sure I will have to see two or three more teasers first….awesome).  In the picture, there’s a guy in a scuba suit in a cage in the ocean with a bunch of sharks swimming around, and he’s giving a thumbs up to the camera (which I’m assuming indicates that he’s there by choice).  The poster says ‘What does your freedom look like?’  To that I say….. ‘I just hope it doesn’t look like I’m trapped in a cage with a bunch of hungry sharks swimming around.’  That looks way more like confinement to me, but different strokes for different folks I guess.

– Also on the bus (man, I could have made this a ‘shit I see on the bus’ blog, and used the Carpe Diem thing later.  Oh well), I saw a lady who had hair down to the backs of her knees, which is bad enough.  She was wearing a jacket, and the hair was tucked into the jacket.  Unfortunately the jacket only went down to her waist, so the rest of her hair was showing below her jacket, effectively making her a horse.  Sexy.

– I saw a quick story about Arizona executing a prisoner for a 1991 murder.  I don’t have strong feelings about the death penalty either way (other than you better be damn sure you got your man), but isn’t the whole point so you can save money?  What’s the point of feeding someone and giving him free rent for 20 years if you’re just going to kill him anyways?

– There’s a TV commercial with Jennifer Garner, and at the end she’s holding up a makeup remover with a bunch of removed makeup on it and she says ‘does your makeup remover do this’?  Now I don’t wear makeup, so I may not be the best person to ask, but if I did, and someone asked me ‘does your makeup remover do this?’, and then pointed at the makeup remover which had successfully removed the makeup??  My answer would be ‘I sure fuckin hope so!’