Mommy Porn

You guys know what this is about.  Especially the ladies.  I’ve watched your blushy little faces on the subway.  I’ve seen your giddy little conversations at Chapters as you convince a complete stranger to buy that book.  I’ve never been in a book club, but I’ll bet they’ve taken a swift upturn in spicy dialogue.

It’s 50 Shades of Grey!!  This isn’t a book review.  I haven’t read it.  I’ve heard a lot about it though, and read a few excerpts out of curiosity.  I won’t even make you wait until the end of this blog to tell you my opinion on it.  I think it’s great.  Not the writing necessarily, or the book itself.  I just think it’s great that women are able to enjoy some version of pornography within the safe confines of a ‘novel’.  You didn’t have to grab a magazine of the top rack, and do the walk of shame over to the counter.  Shameful enough when you’re just getting a Playboy that might have an article or two of interest, but god forbid you have a fetish of some sort, and have to sift around the magazine rack before you find the right one.  If you have the right technology like a Kindle or……(let’s face it, I know nothing of these devices, so I’m not about to list them off), then you don’t even have to go to a store.  You can actually just flick a button and make it disappear if you see someone creeping up behind you.  Like any sort of ‘bad influence’ I’m always kind of happy to see someone take a step or two closer to the dark side. (I should qualify that… It kind of depends how dark we’re talking about.  Not too dark.  It just makes me laugh when good people do bad things….. sometimes….. ughhh, what a terrible sidenote)

This is a win-win for a lot of people.  Women are spending more time thinking about sex, which is never a bad thing.  A lot of husbands are experiencing a heightened level of enthusiasm in the sack from their wives.  I’m sure the fetish stores are selling more whips and chains than ever before (which is a win for small business and the economy).  Pool boys are spending less time fussing with the chlorine levels, and more time……. well you know.

There is one thing though, that I’d like to see stop.  Now that you’ve read the book and your sexual horizons have been expanded, please don’t give yourself too much credit.  When little groups of women congregating at a house party when all the men are watching a game or drinking and playing cards, and one of them walks by to use the bathroom and you all stop what you’re whispering about and start giggling…..’you’re bad’…’no you’re bad’……. ‘ oh I’m sorry honey… oh if he only knew what we were talking about…’  Don’t!  He KNOWS what you were talking about.  All men discover porn by the age of 12.  TWELVE!!!!!!  By 18 we have forgotten more about porn than you will ever know.  You’re not bad…. you’re not special…. you read a novel with an above average amount of sexual content.  Kudos to you for that, but we haven’t had a group discussion about a book that had sex in it since we were teenagers, because we’ve been trying to access every medium that deals with sex for decades.  We’re past the giggling stage.  We’ve researched this like scientists trying to find a cure for a disease.  It has consumed us for centuries.  That look on our face is not one of innocence, it’s one of ‘wow…. I can’t believe they are just finding out about this’.

I’m not trying to make this a battle of the sexes or anything, but ladies….. Don’t ever think for a moment that you could ever challenge us for the crown as the most perverted of the two sexes.  If you think you’re blushing after reading those books, climb into our heads for 10 minutes and then come back out and tell me how crazy you think that book is.  If a guy wrote that book, he’d take the plot right out of it, and you’d only be left with the sex scenes.

Having said all that, I support the narrowing of the pervert gap that has taken place.  I don’t know if it’s an important piece of the gender equality movement or not, but it can’t hurt.  Enjoy!!!