The New Solution For Everything

It’s time I shared some wisdom with all of you. I’m certain that you will all be astounded by the way I think outside of the box, and bring unique suggestions to the table. I aim to make the world a better place, and when this new thought dawned on me, I could have been selfish and kept this remarkable innovation to myself, but I’m not a selfish person. I want you to share with me. Let’s all get to the promised land together!

Before I blow your mind with intrigue and fascination, I wanted to give you a little bit of history on how I had this revelation. This past week my son celebrated his first birthday. This is my only child. So what that means for me is that I have celebrated one year of being a father. You can’t possibly go a whole year of fatherhood and learn nothing. I have learned plenty.

There are two major speaking points here. My son has taught me both of these things. The first will seem rather logical, and you’ll have no problem seeing the applications. The second is a little more of a scientific discovery, and I’ll have to help you with the applications so you can truly go on to live a better life.

1. If you smile at someone, they will usually smile back. If you are a really cute baby and you do it, you will see a higher percentage of returned smiles, but nevertheless, it’s a good tactic for anyone. I totally recommend it. I’ve caught myself doing it accidentally from time to time. I might be thinking of something funny, and I’m in a public place, and maybe I inadvertently smile at someone. I’ve been surprised at how often I got a returned smile. My son is just relentless. When we get into an elevator, and there’s a few people in there, he’ll make eye contact with each and every person until they all melt into a puddle on the floor (he’s that charming), and I can see the disappointment in his eyes when someone doesn’t look up at him. I know what you’re thinking….. Yes, he’s a devastatingly handsome baby, and we’re not all devastatingly handsome babies, BUT I don’t think that should stop you from smiling at people in the elevator. I’d even go as far as wagering that anybody who could start doing this for an entire year would report back to me with a much more fulfilling life. Just sayin’

2. The other thing I learned which is CRAZY, is the following. Baby snot is the most effective adhesive in the entire world. There is nothing baby snot won’t stick to, and there is almost nothing that can separate a good baby snot adhesion. So why aren’t we using baby snot more in industry? Are there not a bunch of babies with runny noses that we can use to build things with? Is there no way to harness the power of baby snot?

What if you ran out of sticky notes?? No problem…. I’ll just use a regular paper and baby snot. What if you can’t find a stud in the wall to hang that wedding picture up over the couch?? Baby snot to the rescue! What if you need to make a citizen’s arrest, and you don’t have any handcuffs, but you need to subdue a perp?? Not an issue, just baby snot his hands together, and it’s just as secure as cuffs.

Listen, we all want to do what’s right for the environment. Aren’t you tired of all these glue and tape factories ruining our children’s future by making all that….. glue… and ……tape?? Don’t you think it’s time we found an ALL-NATURAL product like baby snot? Just think of the percentage of babies that don’t have jobs in the current market. I don’t see baby unemployment coming down anytime soon unless we do something about it. I think we need a politician that’s going to fight for baby jobs. There is so much snot being manufactured every day by little day-care attendees who spread germs and lick every surface in sight. Why can’t we take this natural resource and use it for good? Instead of squandering it like we do with everything else.

Looking for more applications? Got a leaky boat? Baby snot the leak. Don’t want to watch something on TV? Baby snot your eyelids shut. See what I mean?? This is going to change the way you stick to things. I’m just glad I was able to share this with you. This is the beginning of the Baby Snot Revolution. Remember this moment always!