This post is a #nowinsituation. Young people are going to disagree, and old people aren’t going to #knowwhatthefuckimtalkingabout. I’m a #hater perhaps. Maybe it’s the #wine, maybe I’m just #frustratedbeyondbelief, but probably it’s the fact that I’m #gettingolder, and the world in my humble opinion is #gettingdumber, but I’m finding that #imgettingirritatedwiththeinternet. It’s a #lovehaterelationship though. I depend on it. I waste hours on it. So in a way I’m in #nopositiontocriticize. I do write a blog though #thoughtsandrantsinjoggingpants, so right or wrong, if I don’t #lashoutagainstpeople from time to time, then #whatgoodami?
Dear internet friends, enemies, and #frenemies…… I hate your #fuckinghashtags!
First I feel I need to explain #hashtags. According to my #researchsources wikipedia and urban dictionary, #hashtags are a #socialmediatool to group certain ideas together so they’re easier to search for. #newsflash…. Nobody gives a shit what you’re saying on #facebooktwitterorotherwise to actually search for it later. People are just #doingthistodoit, which I find #superprepubescentofyouall. Especially the 30-50 crowd. #giveitabreaklosers. I promise nobody is trying to find your status updates with a #hashtagsearch.
The other thing which is #waymoreannoying is using the #hashtag as some sort of weird #punchlineindicator. That is to invent a #hashtag to drop at the end of your status update to somehow #punctuate what you’re saying. Are you like #11yearsold??? No. You’re 40. Stop it. Here’s an example I made up. “Just got into a fender bender, and off to the collision center! #happynobodywashurt #shouldntgodrivingbeforecoffee #theregoesmyinsurancepremiums” etc. I guess it seems cute to some. I disagree. Decidedly not cute, just say what you want to say in plain English. Stop trying to #impressyourkids. The thing is, when young people do it, I’m half expecting it. They’ll look back and #realizehowdumbtheywerelikewealldoeventually, but the people my age should know better.
I suppose if a company wants you to use a #hashtag so you can enter some sort of #weirdcontest, then it makes a bit of sense. I just don’t like the gratuitous use of it by people who #dontevenknowwhatitreallyisandthinkthisisjustonebighashtagparty. Hopefully just by reading this post, you’ve been suitably annoyed by trying to read all the #hashtags in it, and I’m super pissed off that my word count is only sitting at 325 right now because every #hashtag is only one word, no matter how many I crammed in there. Spell check is going to be a #nightmareshitshow too.
I guess I’ve been #crankyenoughforonenight. #offtobed
thoughtsandrantsinjoggingpants 
March 5th, 2015 at 6:26 am
I love when shit makes me laugh this hard. I admit, I sometimes ironically use hashtags, because you know, I’m such a hipster. I super hate when people with like 20 followers on Instagram create a personal hashtag for something stupid. It’s like, you don’t need a hashtag to find that information- just use your basic memory function since probably -2 people used it. I do, however LOVE when my grandma attempts hashtags. It’s just short of a religious experience when you stumble upon one…
March 5th, 2015 at 1:23 pm
🙂 Thanks! Yeah, Grandmas using hashtags is a sign of the apocalypse for sure.
March 5th, 2015 at 11:16 pm
Hahaha I hate hashtags in the middle of a sentence.
My wife and I started using hashtags before they were the hip thing to do… Then FB started doing hashtags and we wondered what the fuck was up with that.
I HAVE used the hashtag search function on Twitter and Instagram because I was looking for photos I knew would have that hashtag.
March 6th, 2015 at 5:04 am
Yeah, I think the savvy people do use them properly. What bugs me is the breed of people that have no idea what they’re even for, but add them in because they see everyone else doing it. Sometimes I have to remind myself that none of this matters 🙂