Holiday Shopping Lineup Stream Of Consciousness

Shit……I can’t believe I waited this long……This is a long time to lineup for Yoga Pants……Ass sculpting pants that I believe them to be……Still too long…….I would love to line up half this long, and pay half this money……Awww man it’s hot in here, should I take off my jacket?…… I think an underarm sweat just dripped down my side……gross…….it tickles…….look at this chick trying to convince her husband that she needs that jacket……just get it…….if you think he’s gonna sign off on that, you’re crazy……nobody NEEDS a $300 jacket…..he doesn’t care, he just wants to leave this store…..just buy it so he can go watch football……do you think you’re gonna feel better if he ‘buys in’??……not gonna happen, just get it…….or don’t……but put the poor guy out of his misery……I can’t believe I ate McDonald’s before getting into this lineup……I read an article last week about how it was unfit for human consumption……and I ate it less than a week later……I suck……Maybe I should do yoga again…..I sweat too much…….like a faucet……so embarrassing…….I like these inspirational quotes on the wall…….”Friends are more important than money”……. that’s hilarious coming from a store that charges this much for Yoga Pants…….”Do one thing a day that scares you”…….I ate McDonald’s before lining up at Lululemon in December……..”Dance, Sing, Floss and Travel”……These are hilarious…..Who comes up with this shit?……… I would love to get a job creating inspirational quotes….. How about this one….. “The world is your hamburger……”…..Harder than I thought……I thought I had something there……Man, this McDonald’s is affecting my mind……Who brings their kids to the mall and expects to get feedback on purchases?…… That’s dumb…..What does an 8-year-old know about fashion?……Are you trying to keep them engaged in what’s happening???? Give them a toy….. Or tell them to read the quotes on the wall……I wonder how high/drunk/sweaty Rob Ford would be if he had to line up here…..Why do so many people have Canada Goose jackets??….. So expensive…..What’s an Arctic Program??…..I wanna be a part of an Arctic Program, do I have to buy a jacket or is it ‘no purchase necessary’?…….People in the city do not need that kind of protection….. Get over yourself, you just walk from the parking lot to the office……Is it really a program, or just a badge, or are they trying to make people feel like they’re in a club so they can sell more jackets?……that’s dumb….. Why do I feel like I want to be a part of it?…..I want to be in the Arctic right now, cut a hole in the frozen lake, and have a sea otter pop out and play with me…… that would be cool…..This lineup is slow…..Are they selling warranties or something???….. I better not buy a warranty, my wife always gets mad……I wonder what the return policy is….. This gift better work out, I am not coming back here……Wow, they have menswear here??….. What self-respecting man…… who cares….. I wonder how much Santa Claus gets paid?…..He can’t be doing all this for free……I’m gonna get into the eggnog a bit more this year…… I always forget about it until Christmas Eve, but I think I should keep some in the fridge for the whole month…… I have lots of dark rum……. I wish I was doing something way more glamorous right now…… I should be in France or something…… eating pastries…….Ughhh this music is too uplifting…… It’s having the reverse effect….. I want to go on an angry rampage……that would be dumb…… I’ll continue to wait quietly….. I wish I could get paid handsomely for waiting for stuff….. I’m pretty patient, and perfect for the job I would imagine…….I would totally wait for stuff all the time if it was my job……It sucks that I’m not getting paid right now…….That’s what makes it unpleasant……Plus these shoppers are idiots….. Just get the first one you picked up…..The gut instinct is almost always right….. The shirts you’re looking at are getting uglier and uglier the longer you stay here…..Oh my god I’m near the front of the line…….I feel like I’m being rescued from a deserted island after 5 years……. this is awesome…….”that will be on credit, please!”

About Thoughts and Rants in Jogging Pants

I'm a music lover, an enthusiast, a diaper changer, an opinion sharer, a chicken wing consumer, a procrastinating couch sitter, an actor, a business professional, a foodie, an above average dresser, and blogger at www.thoughtsandrantsinjoggingpants.com View all posts by Thoughts and Rants in Jogging Pants

3 responses to “Holiday Shopping Lineup Stream Of Consciousness

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