Bitching About Royals

I’m not saying I don’t like Royal Babies. I just prefer regular babies. See what I did there? I didn’t even capitalize regular babies. The difference in how they’re being treated has started already. I’m obviously part of the problem.

I come from a family that’s FASCINATED by the British Royal Family (see how I capitalize??? I swear I’m not doing this on purpose). I’m really not though. Some of the longest days of my life have been spent watching coverage of either Royal Weddings or Royal Tragedies. I always seem to be stuck somewhere remote when these things happen, and there’s only one TV, and I’m not in charge of it, but I’m super bored, because as a kid, I was not into all of the Pomp and Circumstance (I wanted so badly to use that phrase, but rarely get the opportunity…… when I’m not sure about a phrase/word and whether I should use it in a blog or not, I like to look it up in some internet dictionary just to make sure it means what I think it means….. in this case according to Dictionary.com it means ‘splendid celebration with ceremony and fuss’ which is almost a better phrase than Pomp and Circumstance….. in fact, I really think you need to re-read the sentence again and substitute, and let me know which one you like better…..I will be equally satisfied with both of your choices), and as an adult, not much has changed, and I just feel trapped and manipulated all day.

The thing I hate the most about these celebration/tragedies is the coverage. You can’t just watch it once and be done with it. It goes on and on and on like the OJ trial. Let’s show it again and again. Let’s break down every aspect through detailed analysis. This isn’t football!! I know you kids are like, ‘so what, watch something on your phone or laptop if you’re bored.’ THERE WERE NO PHONE AND LAPTOPS!!!!!! JUST BOREDOM!!! Now that I’m older, it doesn’t matter too much anymore because I can easily escape a situation where there is lots of Royal Coverage. I have a car, a bus pass, and 2 televisions, 2 computers and a cell phone. Damn, when I say it like that it sounds like I’m very well established. This might just be my ‘I HAVE ARRIVED’ moment!! My personal identity and how I define my freedom has now become deeply intertwined with my ability to dodge watching TV coverage of the British Royals.

I really don’t want to bitch too much about the Royals. To be perfectly honest, I have nothing against them. I only hear about them when they marry or breed or take pictures of their dicks. I really just wanted a) to have a blog topic which is getting harder every week, and b) to sit on my high horse and say some very judgemental things about the rest of you peasants.

1) Don’t be so fascinated by Royalty or famous people. They don’t care about you. This is a one way street. I’m sure everyone is interested to see the Royal Baby, but what about the Non-Royal babies? They need your attention too! Are the people in your life getting the ‘Royal Treatment’? If the world cared about each other the way they seem to care about what these people name their baby….. well you know the rest. The world wins!

2) When I refer to Royal Tragedy, you know which one I’m talking about. Princess Diana dies in a car accident because her and her new man were in a high-speed chase with Paparazzi. I remember thinking at the time that we were all to blame for supporting the gossip industry. I remember thinking ‘I’ll bet people will think twice before going out and buying another gossip magazine to see exclusive pictures of their favorite celebrities’………… Wrong again, as I always am when I give humanity the benefit of the doubt. Nothing changed, nothing solved, same old bullshit.

3) I really wanted to have a third thing, because 2 just isn’t worth listing off numerically. As you can see, I’m out of things to complain about. I will try to stretch this out a bit though, as I’m sure some bloggers are just skimming to the bottom anyways, so they can click the ‘like’ button and make me believe that they read the whole thing. Come on man….. we’ve all done it! Especially some of those long-winded ones. Those people will be blissfully unaware that I couldn’t come up with a third thing to finish my trifecta of Royalty Ramblings.

I hope the Royal Baby gets an appropriate name, and is happy and healthy, but more importantly I wish the same for all your Non-Royal Babies too!