Tag Archives: Disappointment

A Message To The Soap Dish Manufacturer

I have 2 soap dishes in my condo. One in each shower. Is it still even called a soap dish? Or if it’s installed into the wall like mine, is it now called something else? That’s not actually what I wanted to ask. Let me give some background. I have 2 soap dishes in my condo. One in each shower. Are they fairly attractive and seemingly well installed? Yes. I have no complaints about that. You being the manufacturer wouldn’t have installed them, but rest easy…. I’m sure they were done properly. Really, overall, other than one small detail, I’ve been pretty happy with these soap dishes. They sit there nicely, they don’t rust, and they’ve never fallen apart. I’ll say that much. It really seems like a quality product, other than one very minute detail…… the soap slides off the dish…. every single time. Not occasionally. Not regularly. Always. Slides right off that fucking dish, and if I’m not careful, onto my foot. Not the bottom of my foot that is already suitably punished from standing on my feet for 40 hours a week and playing basketball 2 of those nights as well. It slides off and lands on the top part of my foot which has all those small bones going across with no muscle or fat to protect them. It fuckin hurts when the soap lands on my foot.

Now here’s the thing….. Maybe you figured nobody uses actual bars of soap anymore. I would say that as a soap dish manufacturer, you had to at least respect the fact that some people still did. You didn’t start installing liquid soap containers in my shower, so I’m guessing that bars of soap is still a thing. So how did you think that manufacturing a soap dish which esthetically pleasing as I promise you it is, is fucking angled to let a piece of soap fall off into the shower, and quite possibly onto a vulnerable part of people’s feet?

I try to be a laid back non-judgemental type, but periodically things like this get me upset, and I think I know the reason why this situation in particular is troublesome. Why? Because you had ONE FUCKING JOB! It was to create a soap dish that would provide a safe place for my soap to sit. One function! That’s it! It’s not a Smart-Soap Dish! You can’t check your emails and watch fucking YouTube on it! It’s the old school kind of soap dish that does nothing, and I do mean nothing, other than housing my soap. Not to beleaguer the point, but a soap dish which cannot seem to contain soap is about as useful as a toenail on your shoulder-blade.

I thought I’d spend the last paragraph giving you advice, but who am I kidding? You’ve probably got way more money that I do. You sold these useless fucking things to a builder that put them in every unit in this building, so who am I to sit on my high horse and talk about quality? You’re a quality salesperson if nothing else. You’ve probably made enough money to retire, and I’m busting my ass every day with a bruises on the tops of my feet, so what do I know? That’s the kind of world it is now. The guy who used to decide every week which celebrity ran a shittier fictitious company, is now the leader of the free world, so you should be able to slanty soap dish your way to the top too. I don’t really wish any ill on you because that’s not my style, but if I do find out that you died because you fell in the shower, my first instinct will be to laugh.

Orange Drink Sadness

Today I’d like to discuss my lingering disappointment regarding Orange Drink. Awww man… I just thought of a perfect name for a blog. ‘LINGERING DISAPPOINTMENT’….. who wouldn’t follow that blog? Oh, maybe it can be a book title instead. Too short though. Not descriptive enough. Maybe ‘LINGERING DISAPPOINTMENT AND TEENAGE ANGST’……. I added that last part in case it becomes a screenplay. People love teenage angst. I don’t know if its a money-maker though. How about ‘LINGERING DISAPPOINTMENT AND TEENAGE VAMPIRE ANGST’. Now I got it. Don’t steal it. Take it with my permission and give me a cut.

Getting back to Orange Drink, and the sadness surrounding it….. I don’t like McDonald’s. Now that I’m old enough, and I understand what food is, I realize McDonald’s isn’t particularly good. That’s not to say that the special sauce on the Big Mac isn’t drippings of heaven, and that their coffee these days isn’t on par, if not better than most of the coffee in its category and/or price range. One thing McDonald’s had (at least in this market of Ontario, Canada) was Orange Drink. It wasn’t juice. It wasn’t pop. It was DRINK. It wasn’t Tang, it wasn’t Kool-Aid, but it was somewhere in between. Dare I say, it might have just been perfect. Canadian kids growing up in the 70’s and 80’s may remember going to birthday parties or soccer games and seeing the rental jug of Orange Drink that you could get because McDonald’s ‘once upon a time’ knew how important Orange Drink was to the community. You would get those waxy little cups to pass around with a picture of Ronald McDonald on the front. Orange Drink was so thirst quenching, but since it wasn’t carbonated, you could kill like 4 or 5 of those little cups and never feel any worse for it. As an adult in a committed relationship, I often find myself at Wal-Mart against my will, but my wife knew that if we passed by McDonald’s and got some Orange Drink, that everything was gonna be OK. I would maneuver through those narrow little aisles with my shopping cart, and tolerate those crazy noises of impolite or misbehaving humans of all ages and with a strong slurp of Orange Drink, we were gonna take advantage of those Rollback savings.

One evening I found myself at school. I was taking a night course, and right across the parking lot from my campus was a McDonald’s. This class was 3 hours or so, but there would be a little 10 or 15 minute break in the middle. Just enough time to get some Orange Drink to inject my body with enough sugar to stay awake for the second half of this class. The BEST part about Orange Drink when I think about it now, was that it was some kind of independent. When you looked at the fountain drinks, you would see all the logos for the Coke products, but one tap just said ORANGE fittingly in orange letters. I can’t remember if I noticed it was missing or not, but when I ordered it, they said they didn’t have it anymore. My childhood and my life started unraveling. What kind of world is this without Orange Drink I thought!! The world, and all of it’s chaos, but the ONE CONSTANT IN MY LIFE WAS THAT I COULD WALK INTO A MCDONALD’S AND ORDER AN ORANGE DRINK TO CALM MY FRIGGIN’ NERVES!!!!!!

I got pretty upset, I’m not gonna lie. I don’t think I yelled at anyone, but I did get into a lengthy conversation with the store manager. What did they replace it with? Coke Zero. They already had Diet Coke which (not that I drink diet pop) I’m pretty sure is exactly the same thing!!!! What orange options did they have?? They didn’t seem to have any. The manager was actually pretty upset too. He said he had scored a few jugs of it before they took it away, but he didn’t know how long they could last. Not very long I suspect. He gave me a free iced tea, and wished me well. That was the day my innocence was lost forever… *sniff sniff*….. I’m just kidding with the whole Orange Drink representing all that was good in my life thing, but I am pissed off. It was a good drink. The States has a ‘Hi-C’ version that tastes almost as good. I think McDonald’s here has a Fruitopia version that’s not half bad, but it aint good enough to make me happy at Wal-Mart.

On another soft drink note, do any of you remember C2??? It was a Coke product that came out around the same time as Coke Zero. Except they didn’t advertise or promote it with anywhere near the same zeal and enthusiasm. They should have. Coke Zero, Diet Coke??? What’s the difference??? Before you tell me, understand that your answer doesn’t interest me because I find diet pop drinkers to be one of the most ignorant corners of society. Honestly people…. Trying to fool yourself into thinking you’re drinking coke, and being healthy at the same time. YOU CAN’T DRINK COKE AND BE HEALTHY YOU DUMMIES!!!! If you want to be healthy, drink water. If you want to drink Coke, DRINK COKE! That said, C2 was the ultimate compromise. It had half the sugar of regular coke. There was still sugar, it was still bad for you, but only half as bad, and I thought THAT was the way to go. One of the best ideas ever!!! It vanished like time on a leather couch. Or like Orange Drink….*sniff sniff*