Tag Archives: air travel


So this post is supposed to be a travel rant. I just want to say this. I am loopy on cold medication. Oh I know… put that up there with the rest of the excuses for either writing a bad blog or wanting to get extreme credit for writing a good blog, like…..There’s something in my eye, my dog keeps humping my leg, I’m stuck in a snow bank, too many creditors are calling my home at once, I have plantar fasciitis, my coffee maker is broken, I have writer’s block, I don’t speak English, I’m at work, my humidifier is making the room to humid, I’m drunk, my Ipod keeps playing the Pet Shop Boys, my baby is drooling on my face, last night’s pork was overcooked, they might have used asbestos during the construction of my parent’s house, I have emotional problems, there’s a jolly rancher stuck to the couch cushion, I have kidney stones, my life sucks and I’m too depressed to write, my life’s amazing and now I have nothing compelling to write about, I have a stain on my new shirt, I’m being held back in life because my pre-school teacher never believed in me, I have a hang nail on the ring finger equivalent of my toes, I wanna go outside and play, the gym that I’ve never been to wants me to come in for a fitness assessment….. today!!!!!! All this and I still managed to get a blog off??? That’s damn near heroic!! OK, this is getting out of hand. Let me start over.

Travelaudacity is supposed to be like travelocity, but since I’m trying to tell you bad things about travelling, I put audacity instead of ocity, but then I wasn’t sure if you’d get it, so I’m explaining it, but then if I have to explain it, it probably wasn’t worth saying, but if it was worth saying, and you did get the ‘wordplay’, then I’ve probably completely ruined it by explaining it, and I should have just shown confidence in it (because I have this thing about combining two concepts in the same word like “Blintrog” which was the first blog I ever wrote, and it was like an Intro and a Blog, but I combined the two to make Blintrog… get it???), but I don’t know if this concept was strong enough, and I feel insecure about it, and when I’m insecure, I overexplain. NOT TO MENTION when I looked up the spelling of audacity, I noticed that one of the definitions was the willingness to take bold risks which is actually a pretty cool personality trait, but I of course was referring to the definition that indicated rude or disrespectful behaviour, just in case you weren’t 100% clear about what Travelaudacity was supposed to be about. OK, this is getting out of hand. Let me start over.

I had to fly on Delta Airlines last week. I wanted to bring a bag. A real bag, like luggage. Not just a carry-on. Not a full-on suitcase disguised as a carry-on either which (if I didn’t just say it in a recent blog) is the most obnoxious thing going. I wanted to check a bag. This costs $25. I know it used to be free back in the day, but that’s not my rant. (Although it could be my rant because if they didn’t charge $25, then more people would check their bags, and then they wouldn’t stuff them into overhead compartments, and then dislodge a plastic thingy when they tried to get it out, and nearly poke my friggin eye out). I just wanted to let you my faithful readers know that when you pay $25 to check a bag with Delta, they give you what’s called an ‘excessive baggage’ ticket. I was gone for 5 (turned into 7 because of snow storm) days, and I brought one suitcase. I don’t think that is ‘excessive’. If I brought 4 suitcases, then you can give me an excessive baggage ticket, but one suitcase for a 5 days??? Not excessive. I would say it’s the ‘appropriate baggage’. I would have liked to get an ‘appropriate baggage’ ticket from Delta.

Have you ever booked travel and noticed that a connecting flight is generally cheaper than a direct flight? I’ve had this explained to me by numerous people and I still can’t wrap my head around it. I’m no genius!! Argue it all you want…..(No seriously I’d love to have the argument with you where you try to convince me that I’m a genius, and I humbly try to talk you down like ‘no no… not a genius…’ please, can we do that argument next time I see you?) but I do know a tiny bit about business. I’m not going to oversell how much I know about it, but most of my adult life, I’ve been involved in business on some level with varying degrees of success peppered with wildly high levels of failure. All that being said, HOW THE FUCK CAN RIDING ON 2 AIRPLANES BE CHEAPER THAN RIDING ON 1 AIRPLANE???? There are roughly double the costs. Double the employees, double the fuel, double the mechanics making sure it’s running smoothly, double the flight attendants, double the bits and bites, double the pilots, double the guys that take our ‘excessive baggage’ from one plane and put it on another. There’s no way you can tell me that the costs of having me take a connecting flight is cheaper than me taking a direct flight (when one is available). I think that’s why some of these airlines are struggling. They fail to comprehend the basic mathematics behind their business. They should be encouraging people to take direct flights!! Do you know how much time and energy they waste on re-booking passengers that miss their connectors?? The stupidity of it all amazes me continuously.

Happy Travels!

Stuff I Thought Of To Say Today

For the second straight week I’m out of the country. Still bringing you the bloggiest ideas that are rattling around in my little brain. I’m tired. I’m not saying this will suck, but I am planting some excuses into the gardens of your mind just in case it does. I promised Monday blogs and sometimes it’s just not an easy thing.

Here are some half-cooked thoughts and ideas for your consideration…….

– In the United States, they have urinals in mens bathrooms. Why are 50% the urinals here ‘child sized’?? A child probably doesn’t even use a urinal until he’s 4. By the time he’s 10, he’s tall enough to use a regular sized urinal. How many goddamn 3.5 feet tall men do you think there are in an American bathroom at any one time?? Certainly not 50% of the population. Unless coach is taking the little league team to Burger King after a game, this is a non factor. I think a 5 to 1 ratio would be acceptable.

– I saw an ad today and I didn’t know it was for the Olympics. It said ‘we are one year away from one of the biggest sporting events in the world.’ Yeah, next year’s Superbowl!!!

– Too many VIPs. There used to just be a regular lineup, and a VIP lineup. I walked past a Vegas nightclub the other day that must have had 6 different lineups! I even heard an ad that said ‘tired of waiting in the VIP lineup’?? There shouldn’t be much waiting in the VIP lineup, because if you’re truly VIP, you should get in right away. I think there is no regular lineup anymore, and the VIP is the old regular lineup. Air Canada has Elite members, and Super Elite members, and Star Club members. Too many VIPs. Give me regular, and special, and that’s as far as it needs to go. Gold card, Platinum Card, Black Card……Silver membership, Gold membership, Platinum membership. They’re trying to make everyone feel special in their own little unspecial way. Not everyone is special all the time. Knock it off!

– So tired of these fucking air travellers whose time is too important to check their luggage and wait at the carousel with all the other slobs, so they bring a full friggin suitcase onto the plane with them, and jam it into the overseat bin where it doesn’t fit, and then nobody else can fit their stuff up there. It’s cramped and crowded because now everyone is carrying stuff on their laps and under their seats, all so a few jackasses can avoid baggage claim. Today one guy had his suitcase jammed up there so bad that a long piece of plastic got dislodged and damn near put my eye out. “Oh Sorry”

– I saw a chick on the subway a few weeks ago. She was sleeping with a ‘rockstar energy drink’ in her hand. That’s not a very good endorsement for the drink.

– I saw an ad for a Dyson air dryer that indicated it was 80% faster. It didn’t say faster than what though. I think they were hoping I would assume it was the competition. I think it’s only 80% faster than me blowing on my own hands.

Ok… I’m out of tricks