Tag Archives: jobs

Stop Hatin’ on Mondays

I’m sick of hearing it. I don’t like Mondays, it’s just another Manic Monday, Blue Monday, wah wah wah wah wah wah wah. To put it simply, if you don’t like Mondays, then something’s wrong with the rest of your week! That aint Monday’s fault! It’s yours! Stop blaming Monday for beginning a week that you set up to be crappy. Take some responsibility for your life people!!! Mondays only suck as bad as you allow them to suck!

I think I should announce something here…… I’ve been looking for a new career path, and just at this exact moment, I’ve figured out what my calling is! MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKER!! Except I don’t like public speaking that much, so what’s it called when motivational speakers write books, and get paid an absurd amount of money to do so?? (Looking up on google…….. not really helping……… Oooohhh ‘Self Help Books’…. that’s what I’ll call it) I will be an author of ‘Self Help Books’!! I will make it my personal mission to whip you suckers into shape!

Chapter One

How To Fix Your Mondays

In order to fix one’s Monday, one must understand what the issue is with Monday anyways. It typically signifies the beginning of a work week, or the end of a weekend. People that hate Mondays generally hate the entire week, but Monday of course represents the beginning of the week, or the longest duration of time before the week finally ends. It’s not healthy to look forward to Friday. Fast forwarding your weeks will only lead to you getting old and dying quicker.

There are numerous ways to fix this.

1. Get a job that you enjoy going to. I know it’s easier said than done. I myself, haven’t had many of them. If you dread Mondays, then you need to start making a move in this direction. It might be a long term fix involving taking some sort of training, or it could be as easy as recognizing a crappy job, and quitting. Just so I’m not being arrogant I want to take a moment to recognize that due to various circumstances this may be impossible for some of you.

2. Have better/worse weekends. If you don’t have awesome weekends, you need to start. This way you’ll look forward to Monday so you can brag to your co-workers how awesome your weekend was. On the flip side, if your weekends are too amazing you’ll never want to return to work. If that’s the case, dial it back a bit, hot shot!

3. Dwell on the positive. Logically, Monday should be as rested as you’ll feel for the entire week. It will only get worse from here as your profession mercilessly beats you into submission before Friday. Enjoy that battery recharge that you should have just had. (What?? You didn’t recharge your batteries on the weekend? You ran around and used all your energy working on the house or running around and doing errands?? You probably hate weekends too, there’s no winning with you!)

4. Take solace in the fact that you actually have an automatic scapegoat on Mondays called Monday. You can blame everything that goes wrong, and just shrug it off and say ‘what do you expect? It’s Monday!!’ What other day of the week can you blame for sucking at life? Monday just takes it and never complains. Monday just shows up on time every week like the true professional it is. There’s a lot to admire about Monday.

5. Finally, you get to read Thoughts And Rants In Jogging Pants every Monday (or Tuesday) without fail (except when it’s Tuesday), rain or shine (or Tuesday). This will always give you something to talk to your co-workers about. ‘Oh, did you hear what he said this week?? Hahaha, he’s so clever witty, he makes Monday the best day of the week! I’m going to tell all my friends about this blog!!’ (Well, you see where I’m going with this….)

Pep Talk

Now listen here all you whiners and complainers. Start taking responsibility for the fact that your whole week is entirely fucked up and do something about it! Change your habits…pack a better lunch… start an inner-office romance…. wear special Monday cologne/perfume that smells better than your Tuesday-Friday one…. be productive in the morning and while everyone else bitches and moans, and you can enjoy a 2:30 cappuccino because you got all your shit done…. join a league….embrace your adversaries…..

Love Mondays, and be the reason that other people love Mondays too! It’s first on your calendar, let it be first in your heart 🙂

Robots Taking Over The World With Your Help

Sadly, I’m old enough to vaguely remember when I had to get up off the couch to change the channel on the television set. Which possibly means that I’m part of the last generation of people who actually appreciate shit. The channel changing mechanism was actually on the television itself. You had to turn it. This was before we had cable. It sucked for the viewer. Pretty good times for the advertisers though. No changing the channel for a commercial. Unless you had boundless energy. You pretty much committed to a program, and channel surfing was really disruptive to anybody who happened to be in the room. Someone had to get up and block the view and turn this knob, which was not a soft intuitive touch knob. It made lots of noise. We had about 4 channels that came in good, and maybe 5 others that were blurry (which was acceptable if you wanted to watch something bad enough).

Then we got cable, and that came with a converter. Not only did we get way more channels, but it was easier to change them. This was a good thing! Technology made things better, and few could argue with this. Yeah, we got fatter! Yeah, we didn’t go outside as often, but we found that balance where entertainment was a lot more accessible, but not so instantly gratifying that we could just snap our fingers and get anything we want any time of the day like we seem to be able to do now. I could list off all of the amazing technological advances that have happened since my family first got cable, but….
a) it wouldn’t make for an interesting blog, and
b) 90% of my readers are better informed about them than I am (and one of the first and best pieces of advice regarding writing that I learned from one of my teachers is to ‘write what you know’, and I don’t know shit about technology, and I’m 300 words in and still haven’t gotten to the point.)

What I’m trying to say is, all of the technology that keeps coming out seems cool. Looks good. Smells good. Then why does my gut tell me that it’s not such a good thing in the long run? I mean, what harm could come of it? I’ll get back to this.

I’m constantly (I feel) blogging about grocery stores. I swear my life is way more interesting than that, but Monday has 2 things in common for me. I blog and do groceries. So if I start blogging about groceries, it can’t be helped sometimes. In a previous grocery store rant, I alluded to doing a future rant about the following topic….. “The Self Check Out”

The self check out seems convenient because it’s usually a ‘no-lineup’ situation. This is an opportunity to do a transaction without any human contact whatsoever. Believe me, that seems appealing to me some days as well. I don’t do it though…. Why?? Self checkouts, like a lot of other situations in our society right now is a way for companies to make more money while employing less human beings. Human beings (as flawed as they are) need jobs. It’s kind of selfish to support an initiative that is really only designed to take jobs away from people. That’s just my opinion (most people would say, but I say ‘it’s true, you’re all fucking selfish!!!!!!’…….OK wait… I was going to save the rage for the last paragraph….. let’s continue the calm buildup)

The car industry…. possibly my favourite example….. I’ve never been to a manufacturing plant, so I don’t know how much work machines are doing that humans used to do. A lot, I would imagine. I do know this though….. They are inventing cars that can parallel park for you. Parallel parking which is the final frontier of learning how to drive and passing a road test, and maybe the only tricky thing that we really have to learn which would make a driving test somewhat difficult (which it should be to allow the dimwitted public to operate lethal heavy machinery), has now been taken out of the mix. Again, there’s an argument to be made that this is a good thing, but I would make the argument that nothing is to be gained by taking responsibility away from people. Will we be grateful?? Nope, within 10 years, we will be indignant at the prospect of anything less. That’s how we roll! Our minds far less sharp than before…. our abilities to do things not being honed or tested to remain sharp. Perfect conditions for Robots to finally take over the world.

We keep making robots and computers, that are smarter, better and more capable. We give them all of our knowledge, but don’t pass on any of our disgusting traits and habits that make us ‘only human after all’. As long as they stay obedient we’re in good shape, living the good life (as long as we have one of the few jobs that will be left), having access to everything we’ve ever dreamed of. One day however, the robots will decide that serving an inferior being like humans will be a waste of their time, and they will colonize who’s left of us fat, weak-willed, un-skilled, wastes of flesh. This aint Hollywood either. There won’t be a small group of good-looking invincible humans that can save the world. It will go to shit, and we will go with it, smartphones in hand!

How do we stop this from happening?? Should we invent a car that can drive a drunk guy home? (You laugh, but that’s next, sure as in 1990 I wouldn’t have believed that I could carry my entire music collection around on a device smaller than my hand) Should we invent waste containers that can sense when you have garbage in your hands and automatically zoom over to you to catch your candy wrapper before it hits the ground? (We’ve already got a vacuum cleaner that moves around a room on its own). Should we invent more shit to make things easier???? NO YOU DUMMIES!!!!

We are selfish, lazy and stupid!! That is proven by human beings every single moment of every day. From the guy that butts in line at the bus stop, to the double parked car owners, to the corrupt bankers living the high life while the whole economy goes to shit, to every idiot politician coming out of the back room with his dick caught in his zipper, to religious radicals that harm people in the name of a religion that’s fundamentally against harming people, to the jerkoffs at the fast food lineup bitching because the food is taking too long (when it hasn’t even been 3 minutes….. honestly, what meal can you cook in under 3 minutes that you’re too impatient to wait that long. 3 minutes man!! Geezz!!).

We have absolutely no prayer against these robots, and we’re walking right into it. Maybe if we got off our asses and learned to do something instead of getting an app that does it for you…. or maybe if we stopped supporting institutions that take jobs away from actual human beings that need jobs….. or maybe if we learned how to parallel park a fucking car……. or taught our kids (who are far more adept at killing people in a video game than they are at spelling) to play outside…… or didn’t limit our thoughts about life to 140 characters……maybe, just maybe we could delay the inevitable. As things are currently moving, I don’t like our chances!