I wait in lines.

For groceries, the bank, the bus….. you name it, I wait.  Patiently.  I don’t try to sneak in front of anyone, or manipulate the line in any way.  When my turn comes, it comes.  I give dirty looks to those that try to interrupt the natural progression of the line for their own gain or convenience.  I get the urge to hit people who don’t ‘fall in’.  To this point I’ve always fought that urge successfully, I just quietly stew.  The line is one of the only perfect things in our society.  First come, first serve.  In an unfair life, a well executed line is fair.  Getting in line is always a choice.  If the line is too long, you usually have the option to not get in.  Don’t mistake me for someone who likes to wait, because I’m in as much of a hurry as anybody.  I respect the line though.

One day I’m on the highway with a friend of mine.  He’s driving.  He looks over at me and says “Finally, I get to use the HOV Lane”, and steers the car into the far left lane.  He starts shooting past the other traffic with enthusiastic efficiency.

I had seen these new lanes popping up around on the highways, but didn’t really know what they were there for, or who was able to use them.  Upon further research I found out who was able to use them.  Everybody but me!

This goes against the system we had before which was an imperfect version of the ‘line’ system.  It operates exactly like a line, except there are a lot of cases where there are multiple lanes.  We tried to adapt.  Faster traffic to the left, slower to the right.  The system is perfect, but humans usually find a way to screw it up.  I can live with this.  What I don’t like is the fact that the government has invented the equivalent of a night club V.I.P. entrance on their roads.  While some poor suckers have to line up, the big-shots get to by-pass the line and get in quicker.

Who gets in?  Vehicles with 2 or more people, emergency vehicles, busses, limos, taxis….. Everybody but me!

This means anybody not travelling alone including circus clowns, dodgeball teams, wookies, mad scientists, serial killers, aliens, clarinet players, 16 year olds, trekkies, mortgage brokers, opium farmers, superhero alter-egos…… Everybody but me!!

I’m already driving alone in the car with nobody to keep me company, and drivers that are accompanied by companions get to bypass the traffic?  They don’t get as bored if they’re stuck in traffic!!  Allow me to continue though.  Ninjas, vegans, rock stars, brain surgeons, zombies, gangsters, pool boys, mascots….Everybody but me!!

The line was the perfect system.  If there were problems with traffic, it was due to bad drivers, inclement weather, and construction.  It was never the line system.  This new arrangement will be considered acceptable though, if you are 2 or more of the following.  Computer geeks, stamp collectors, astronauts, monkeys that look like humans, bakers, personal assistants, wedding parties, steroid users, porn stars, tourists, celery eaters, murder detectives……

Everybody but me.