I got laid off this morning. I wish I could just take the ‘off’ out of that sentence, but unfortunately, that’s not how it went down. Getting laid off sucks, but not as badly as getting fired, and I’ve had that happen as well. Getting laid off usually comes with some sort of compensation package, and the potential to apply for Employment Insurance if you aren’t successful in getting another job right away. Getting fired usually comes with emotional pain and humiliation. What they both come with is an opportunity to update your resume, and get your ass out there to look for a new job.
I don’t mind updating the resume. These days I save an old copy on the computer like a normal human should, and then all you have to do is add your most current employer. It should be fresh in your mind as they’re the ones that just ripped your heart out. I totally don’t mind sending my resume out. I used to print that shit up on fancy paper and mail it. Now I email it, and it couldn’t be easier (although the way technology moves, I’m sure it COULD be easier…. I’m holding out for the day that I’ll be able to just ‘think’ my resume into some potential employer’s head… that’ll be awesome). The part that aggravates me is that I’m supposed to do an original cover letter for every employer that I send the resume to. I know that there’s some cut and paste potential here, and it’s probably not as bad as it sounds, but I despise the process of attaching cover letters to my resume.
There are no words that I can come up with (and I’m pretty good at eventually finding the right word for a situation…… not always at the moment I need it, but usually well after the conversation has ended) to describe how I hate working on cover letters. To accurately portray how I detest this routine, I’ve provided a list of…..
THINGS I WOULD RATHER DO THAN WRITE A COVER LETTER
– I’ve been changing a lot of diapers these days. It’s been pretty routine lately, but there have been some wild ones over the last 8 months. I would happily change the crappiest of my son’s diapers before working on a cover letter
– If given the choice to clean the toilets in our home instead of the cover letter I would scrub the toilets for sure.
– Master the Rubik’s Cube without taking it apart or peeling the stickers
– Ride a Unicycle while juggling bowling pins
– Run a Lemonade Stand with a partner who lacks work ethic
– Polish my shoes (when I re-read this in my mind I pronounced it Po-lish, like from Poland, and I spend moments reflecting on what it might mean to Po-lish ones shoes).
– Go to Wal-Mart/Costco which may be something you do all the time or enjoy, but I avoid this shopping cart gridlock like I avoid nut-bars on the subway system.
– Return empties to the store
– Watch a Julia Roberts movie
– Sit in the pediatrician’s waiting room for half an hour
– Have my flight delayed
– Get crapped on by one of the pigeons that waits for me under the bridge near the subway entrance. As long as it’s just on my clothes, and on the way home from work. If it gets in my hair, or is on the way to work…. I’ll take the cover letter.
thoughtsandrantsinjoggingpants 
June 25th, 2013 at 3:28 pm
Best of luck in your job hunt!
June 26th, 2013 at 1:01 am
Thank you 🙂
June 25th, 2013 at 3:58 pm
Sorry about getting laid off. You missed something on THINGS I’D RATHER DO THAN WRITE A COVER LETTER – BLOGGING.
June 26th, 2013 at 1:01 am
Oh yeah… Especially when I don’t have a topic.
June 25th, 2013 at 6:10 pm
Hope things get better for you soon – I have to admit the first line made me smile!
June 26th, 2013 at 12:04 am
You mean the second line? Haha
June 26th, 2013 at 1:02 am
Thank you 🙂
June 25th, 2013 at 7:59 pm
So, you’re telling me that watching Julia Roberts is painstakingly awful? Aw, the pang in my heart. I enjoyed watching Roberts in the early part of her career. Now, not so much.
In any case, I don’t think there’s a way for you to get out of changing diapers; much like writing a cover letter. Sending well wishes your way!
June 26th, 2013 at 1:04 am
Thanks…There’s a story there…. We get Peachtree TV here as I’m sure most Americans do as well. Not a Sunday goes by that Peachtree doesn’t manage to find a Julia Roberts movie to show at some point during the day. When they run out, they do Sandra Bullock. My wife loves them both. I don’t dislike them as much as I lead on, but c’mon.
June 26th, 2013 at 1:15 am
I agree. There is such a thing as overkill. Seeing the same actresses week after week, would be my cue to leave the room and blog.
June 26th, 2013 at 12:03 am
Hey Taylor your résumé to each employer. Example. XYZ CO. June 25th 2013 -present. You know as if you will be hired that very day. It has never failed me.
T&R you are awesome and awesome never looks for a job for long. Keep being awesome man I love ya
June 26th, 2013 at 1:06 am
That takes balls man…… I don’t know if I’ll go down that road. That walks a fine line between charming and creepy, and I’m just not sure which side the employers will be on with it.
I appreciate the kind words man!
June 26th, 2013 at 1:35 am
I did that when I got hired at Home Depot and I even did it on orange paper
June 26th, 2013 at 3:50 pm
The idea of the cover letter sends shivers up my spine. Sorry to hear you have to deal with this nonsense. On the plus side, maybe you’ll get to write on your blog more often for a bit, so we’ll get the pleasure of reading your blog more often.
June 27th, 2013 at 12:29 pm
Thank you. More writing time would be nice 🙂
June 27th, 2013 at 10:06 pm
I don’t mind writing cover letters. I don’t have many opportunities to be cheesy and corny.
Use the three D’s, they’ve never failed me: diligence, dedication, and determination. Squeeze some of those puppies in your letter and you’re golden.
P.S. Julia Roberts? That’s a big commitment…
June 28th, 2013 at 1:55 am
Good call on the D’s. I’ll pepper them in as needed 🙂