Today I finally bit the bullet and bought a new phone. Actually I didn’t buy it, it was free! Shout out to Bell for making this happen in under 5 interactions with store/customer service (4 to be exact). I don’t want to get into the nitty-gritty of my contract renewal. Let’s just say that they wasted a bunch of my time, and I inadvertently pulled their phone off the wall while talking to the customer service department. I should have been way more embarrassed by that, but my experience with that company never should have culminated in that particular store visit (ie if they all did their jobs properly, I wouldn’t have ended up using that phone with a really long phone cord, lulling me into a false sense of security as to the pacing radius I could use, and pulling it off the wall and onto the floor……..the guy didn’t look impressed, but guess who else wasn’t impressed with the fact that I had to call customer service to begin with….. eye for an eye!).

Now…. it’s just time to bask in the glory of a new phone. Everytime I watch TV, I see a bunch of commercials, and in almost all of them, there are people who look really really happy with their phones. I’ve never been unhappy with mine. I’ve achieved some pretty good longevity with some of them. Sadly, longevity is not valued in the world of cell phone users. The paying public wants it to be new. Always new. So while, I’ve never been unhappy with my phone, I’ve also never experienced the euphoria that a new phone seems to provide the handsome actors and actresses in the commercials. I’ve seen a lot of different commercials, and the automotive industry doesn’t even have commercials where young people are this excited. I just want that feeling. That glow that only can seemingly be achieved by bragging about your new phone! I’ve seen it!! Just let me feel that!!! Just once!! LET…. ME…. FEEL….. THAT….. THE GREATEST…… FEELING…..EVER!!!!!!!! Oh god, I wish I knew how to use an emoticon other than happy face/sad face…. I bet there’s a perfect one for this.

Sadly, I don’t feel any different. It could be because I didn’t get the newest phone available. I got one that’s older. It’s new by my standards. Or maybe it’s just way less old than the one I had before. The sales associate couldn’t figure out why I wouldn’t get the new one that had just come out. I told him that I would get that one. Next time. When it wasn’t new anymore. I figure that all the bugs will be figured out by then. I’m always worried that when you get the newest thing available, there might be a bunch of problems with it when it first comes out, and I don’t like the headaches. The associate seemed to be part of this new culture of people who need everything to be new. He explained that the new phones have way more cool stuff, and even though he understood that I’m not a user of a lot of cool stuff, he just thought that I’d like it better. Maybe he was right, but the one I got was free! Most importantly however was the fact that it is ‘NEW TO ME’.

I’m going to go into that concept further with you as I did with the sales associate. He looked like he listened to rock music, so I asked him if he liked Led Zeppelin. Just to be clear, everyone that likes rock music likes Led Zeppelin. If you find yourself reading this and thinking ‘hey, I don’t like Led Zeppelin’……cool….. but then you don’t like rock music. (Moving right along), the associate confirmed that he indeed enjoyed listening to Led Zeppelin. I was puzzled. They aren’t new. I would suggest that he might not be old enough to have been around when they disbanded, and he damn sure wasn’t around when their first album came out. I asked him how he can be a fan of them, when he wasn’t there when they were new. He didn’t know the answer. I did. It was because Led Zeppelin is new to him. It’s no worse for him than it was for people who were around at the time. I wonder if my son might like them. I don’t know if he’ll be into rock or not, but if he is (and as I established earlier), then he will like them. They won’t be old though. They’ll be new…. to him. Just like the phone I bought is new to me. Just like the new phone that I didn’t buy will be new to me by the time I buy it.

The sales associate didn’t think I was a fountain of deepness, but I had also just ripped their phone off the wall, so my credibility was limited. I hope you all understand though. Chronology is overrated. Things can always be ‘new to you’, and whether they’re actually ‘new’ or not is irrelevant. The sooner you all figure that out, the more awesome you’ll be in my mind, which is just like being awesome in real life, except it’s not real life, it’s just my mind…. which is really awesome in its own right.

Rock on!