Evil Forces in The Mall Parking Lot in December

People seemed to get a kick out of this when it was a Facebook Status update. Can I elaborate it into 500 words? You bet I (hope) can.

I have a pet peeve which I’m sure some of you can relate to, and ’tis the season for this type of thing to be happening. Let me set the scene. It’s December. The shopping mall parking lot is packed. I’m in Canada, so it’s pretty cold, but not any more than normal for those that live here, and should be used to it, or dressed appropriately. People are desperate to finish up their Christmas shopping. The parking lot is a zoo, which shouldn’t be a surprise to anyone. Christmas comes once a year. The day never changes. The list of people you would have to purchase gifts for doesn’t change often for most of us. Wait, is this going to be a rant against procrastinators? No. That would be ridiculous. Is it a rant against people with lofty expectations of their shopping experience less than a week before Christmas? No. I think I might have done that one already. If not, I’ll do it next year.

This is a rant against people who instead of finding a parking spot far away from the mall which would be just punishment for not getting their shopping done earlier, decide to look for parking right next to the door, and stalk people as they exit the mall, hoping to inherit their parking spot. It inspired me to put the following status update on Facebook……..

“When I’m at the mall during holiday season, I park as far away from the door as possible. I love it when people stalk me in their cars trying to get my parking spot. I like to walk towards closer cars with a sense of purpose, and watch their eyes light up. Only to then suddenly shift directions and walk to my actual parking spot which is a kilometre away. It brings me great holiday joy to see their mad little faces after. Does this make me a bad person?”

Nobody thought I was a bad person (unless it was someone who preferred not to comment) except my mother, who felt like I was making the holidays even MORE stressful for my victims. This comment bugged me for a few reasons.

1. The holidays are only as stressful as you make them. If life is stressful, it’s probably like that all-year-round. Don’t blame the ‘most wonderful time of the year’.
2. I don’t go way out of my way to do this (ie I walk toward my car, I don’t zig zag around the parking lot trying to see how many times I can be an asshole.)
3. I do not do this to the elderly or the polite.

I do this to the people who feel they are too precious or awesome to walk with the common man. It’s usually like an extra 2 minutes out of their life to walk to where the available spots are, but they’ll spend 15 minutes trying to get that closer spot, and then complain about it later to anyone who will listen, like the poor retail associates who have to absorb EVERYTHING FROM EVERYONE. To be honest though, there are some legit reasons to why you’d need to park closer. Maybe people are disabled in some way or whatever, but just don’t stalk me in your car when I’m walking through the parking lot. Wait patiently, and hope you get lucky like all the other lazy slobs.