The Anti-Bucket List

The greatest thing just happened to my writers block! I have to confess to you faithful readers that sometimes even I have absolutely nothing to say to anyone about anything. In the mornings when I sit here with my coffee, I manage to come up with something as I become more awake. In the evenings when I sit here with my wine, it just doesn’t come easy. So tonight, (and this isn’t the first time I tried this) I went to google to try to find generic blog ideas that I could effectively steal, and make my own for the sake of fulfilling this dreaded self imposed blog quota of one per week. You would be amazed to find out how completely useless this exercise is. It’s bloggers giving other bloggers ideas, but they’re not really ideas, they’re just a shitty set of suggestions about how to blog like….”Write about what you know”…. and…. “Talk about what you’re passionate about”….. I know that assholes!!!! I need a specific concrete idea like “Write about the time a seagull pooped on your shoulder”.

Then I found an actual blog that had actual blog ideas. 50 of them. Some of them weren’t half bad. I chose the Anti-Bucket list which is things I would never do in my lifetime. That’s easy. There’s lots of those, but how do I narrow it down to the most important or interesting ones? I went to http://www.bucketlist.org so that I could find out what some of the most popular bucket list items are, and now I’m going to spend the rest of the evening discrediting them and making fun of them.

1. Learn Archery

At first I thought this said Learn Anarchy which I thought would be fun, but I don’t think I will ever learn archery. I tried it in high school one time. I just remember my gym teacher saying “Keep your elbow straight”, and me saying “IT IS STRAIGHT!!!!!” It went on and on like that.

2. Buy the person behind me a coffee.

One of my pet peeves is people who use the phrase ‘Pay it forward’. They blog about it, they use it in their Facebook updates, they love to be in love with the idea of making the world a better place. Here’s an idea…. Just do what you’re supposed to do in each situation. No more, no less. If everyone does that, the universe will all fall into place. While you’re inside buying a stranger coffee, you’re probably double parked outside. Get a grip.

3. Bungee Jump

No thanks. Plummeting to my death only to not die (providing the equipment works) does absolutely nothing for me. Pure foolishness.

4. Go on an African Lion Safari.

No thanks. Sweating it up in the jungle with a bunch of predators who may or may not eat me depending on my luck does not sound appealing. I’m happy to look at pictures.

5. Collect a jar of dirt from every State.

Then what?

6. Swim with a Whale-Shark

Ummm no.

7. Have a mud fight.

Why on earth would I want to have a mud fight? I don’t like mud, and I don’t like to fight. I would like to have the opposite of a mud fight. What is the opposite of a mud fight? I believe it is eating croissants inside.

8. Attend a Masquerade Ball

I hope I’m never invited to one. I just feel like it’s way too much effort for the way I like to party.

9. Strap a Rocket to a Merry-Go-Round

That’s just stupid.

10. Paint a Mural

You wouldn’t want to see that mural. I can’t even draw stick figures well. It would be stick figures on the mural though. They’d be doing all kinds of random things. Kindergarten kids would do a better job. I think murals are fantastic, but you won’t see me create one.

Well that was a fun exercise. I have to admit, there were some pretty good ideas on that site, and I was hard pressed to find 10 I didn’t want to do, but if there’s one thing I’m good at, it’s not wanting to do things 🙂