Orlando Babies would be a great rap name. So would Skilly Nelson, but that’s not what this blog is about.
I’m in Orlando with babies, and surrounded by babies. Like our pilot said when 60% of the people on the flight were lined up waiting to get their strollers and car seats…. “That’s Orlando for ya!!”
I have 3 things to comment on, all involving Orlando and babies in some way.
1. I was at Epcot Center today. For those yet to be enchanted by the magical perfection that is Walt Disney World, Epcot Center is one of their theme parks. I remember my first time going to Epcot Center when I was a kid, and it was an unforgettable experience as I believe all Disney Parks should be for all kids. Except locals I suppose. Perhaps it’s not such a big deal if you actually live in Orlando. I’m not ashamed to say it was pretty exciting to me as a kid. Today, as I walked around the park with my son for his first time, something struck me as kind of odd. Little kids seemed to be having meltdowns and freaking the fuck out on what I would consider an alarmingly regular basis. It would be fair to say that five minutes didn’t go by without some kid absolutely losing his/her shit at the park. I didn’t understand this. Kids…… This should be one of the greatest days of your young lives. Your parents probably brought you here at considerable expense. Most of the kids you know are playing around at home with their shitty toys, but YOU are at Walt Disney World, (dare I say) The Greatest Place on Earth (other than Las Vegas)!!! What in the hell is your problem?? What could possibly be causing you this level of distress?? Your parents flew you here, and this is the attitude you’re going to take towards today’s festivities??? If you want them to continue to take you places like this, you better cool out!! I don’t get these kids.
2. My brother and law and my niece walked into a short film that had some cast members from the movie ‘Lion King’. This was a big deal for my niece who is 2.5 yrs old, and is very familiar with The Lion King. I think Disney got us in there on some false pretenses however….. This wasn’t a sequel, or any kind of interesting follow-up. They had basically used the characters to do an environmental piece about how we’ve been ruining the world but ‘there’s still hope if we act now’. I felt manipulated, but I have to give credit where credit is due…… They have the undivided (maybe that’s not the right word) attention of the babies who are the world’s future, and instead of fluff, they’re teaching them to be environmentally conscious. Disney Guilt!!! Making the world a better place!
3. Out of respect for my son’s privacy I’ve decided not to say too much about him on this blog. Which is too bad. He’s quite a character. I could go on and on about him, but I’m trying to be original, and talking about your kids all the time is something that is done….. frequently…..which is cool, I mean we all love kids but…. I gotta go a different route……at least with this blog……you should know though that all I do at work is follow people around with my phone and make them look at pictures of my son……. They usually say he’s really handsome…… if they don’t then I say it…..life’s too short to be bashful….Having said all of that, here’s a quick story about my son.
He just turned 6 months old. We’re in Orlando like I mentioned, and the weather in Toronto has been shitty. We didn’t get a spring, it was just pissy all the time. I’m sure it’s nice there right now, since I’m not there….always happens. Anyways, I took him swimming for the first time the other day. 6 months old. I wondered if he would be scared, or happy, or annoyed, or surprised…..would he shit his pants???? So I took him down (he looked fucking adorable in his little swimming get-up, it’s just ridiculous…… see this is why I can’t write a parenting blog….because only in my mind would the words ‘fucking adorable’ come out, typed no less, so I could have fixed it and didn’t!!!) and walked slowly into the pool. The whole time I’m looking at his face for some type of reaction. I get nothing. Is the water too cold? Apparently not. Does he like being in the water? Who knows? This kid gave me a look that I can only describe as ‘disinterested’ for a full 30 minutes. I should mention that his face is normally pretty expressive, but he is hard to impress at the best of times. Swimming though?? How could you not have an opinion on that? We didn’t just stand there either. I was moving this kid around. I did everything short of submerging him at the top speed that still seemed reasonable. No reaction!!! Should I feel jipped as a parent? Isn’t this one of those parenting firsts that people always remember? I’ll always remember this, but not for the reasons I would have thought.
April 30th, 2013 at 3:49 am
Dude you had me rolling about the kids not appreciating shit. Nice use of swear words. Brilliant stuff.
May 5th, 2013 at 1:57 pm
April 30th, 2013 at 11:59 am
My sister in law lives in Orlando and her husband works at Disneyworld (they basically live in Disneyworld), so I’ve been there twice in the last couple years. Last time was 2 months ago. With my pregnant belly and a lot of stress on my back (especially because it was Spring Break and the park was packed like a church the day before doomsday) I also noticed how kids don’t really seem to enjoy the experience at all. Whenever they’re not crying and yelling insanely, they’re sleeping and unconscious in their stroller (kids going around in a stroller even though they’re 8 years old, WHY?). I can’t blame them too much though, that place IS stressful.
May 4th, 2013 at 2:04 pm
I guess so…. But wouldn’t the good outweigh the bad? I guess stamina is an issue, or maybe they’re starting them too young.
April 30th, 2013 at 1:16 pm
For every kid having a meltdown, there is a missed nap, a whole bunch of sugar treats, and way too much visual, emotional and aural stimulation. Kids don’t remember things much until they are maybe 7 or 8. Three year olds only know that they are tired, hungry and cranky. Dial it down, parents. Wait till the kids are old enough to appreciate all of that excitement. maybe at age 9 or 10/
May 4th, 2013 at 2:06 pm
I agree with this. My parents took me for the first time when I was 10, so I don’t recall being unhappy about it. As a new father I’m beginning to understand the value of naps. My little guy is 6 months, and he held it together pretty well at Epcot. We were there for a good 10 hours too. With that in mind, I kind of expected more of the 7 year olds.
May 5th, 2013 at 9:51 am
Whether you show pics of your kid or not, I’m just glad you’re not in Vegas.
May 5th, 2013 at 1:39 pm
I’m not. I just got emailed a 2 night hotel comp at the Cosmo. Trying to think of ways to justify another trip there. Remember to tell me the next time you ‘have’ to go, and I’m planning the trip for you! I will convert you.