The Comb Over

Here’s the thing.  I don’t feel bad for guys that are losing their hair.  There are many worse things that can happen to you in life.  If you know you’re losing your hair, you can go to a more trim hairstyle.  It can be a great look for bald or balding gentlemen.  Keep it trim, and you’ll look sharp.  I’ve seen guys pull it off far too often for me to feel bad for anyone that has to do it.  Don’t be a baby, you’re not Robert Plant.

It’s nature people!  Don’t fight it.  Let it happen gracefully, and become one of the sexy bald men out there.  There are lots.  80% of women over 35 couldn’t care less about your hair as long as you don’t look like an idiot.  I didn’t get that number from a poll.  I made it up.  Still, I’m pretty sure it’s accurate.

Here’s the thing.  A lot of men’s confidence is tied to their abundance of hair.  They lose their hair, they lose their confidence.  It’s sad, but often true.  It’s so misguided as well.  Most guys over 35 have started to at least thin out a bit.  If you dress well, smell good, have an updated wardrobe with clothes that compliment you, and keep your hair really short or bald, there’s no reason to think women won’t like you.  No reason to lose your confidence.  It’s the grooming that attracts women, not the hair.  No woman wants to be with some slob that has long flowing locks of beautiful hair, but looks sloppy from the scalp down.  They want the overall package.

So why do I still see men with comb overs?  I’ve seen some epic comb overs in my day.  What would ever inspire a balding man to grow an extra long piece of hair from the side or back of his head, so he could comb it over the bald part and try to make society believe that he isn’t losing his hair?  I could understand in the 70s and 80s, but every decade since the 90s have been dominated by men with short hair, so why not trim up and ride the wave.  Don’t pretend you don’t know how idiotic it looks either!  Men have been fooling themselves into believing a comb over will solve their problems as long as vanity has been a thing.  Every kid that sees a comb over, makes fun of it, and this has been going on for decades.  Any guy with a comb over now, was a kid making fun of comb overs then, so if you knew how dumb it was then, what makes you think it isn’t dumb now?  It’s actually dumber because you should friggin know better.  Nobody’s stupid enough to not know how idiotic a comb over looks, so I can’t feel sorry for anybody regarding this.

The craziest part is the denial.  When you walk down the street on a windy day you see a great gust of wind swirl up and knock a comb over on its edge, and the poor man who owns it has to drop his groceries to hold it down before anybody sees.  Man, it doesn’t matter if anybody sees……We all know your bald, the only one that doesn’t seem to know is you!  Liberate yourself man!  Go to the barber, and tell him to get those #1 clippers out.  It won’t take your confidence away.  You’ll have more confidence because you faced your fears and took on the world without a helmet.

On a side note, I wanted to mention that ‘The Comb Over” was supposed to be a play on “The Hangover” which I saw on TV again the other night.  Making me long for Las Vegas….. and instead of ‘Zach Galifinakis with a baby strapped to his chest’ tee shirts, there would be comb over tee shirts.  I thought I’d be able to come up with a concept that would allow me to work ‘The Hangover’ theme into ‘The Comb Over’ in some clever way, but goddamnit, I’m just not a good enough writer.  So it stays here in the last paragraph (not because it’s part of the conclusion…. the conclusion was in the second last paragraph….. this last paragraph is just like an ill-conceived way of trying to add an extra idea that doesn’t fit into what I’m doing….. Oh my god I’m rambling…..am I still inside the parentheses?  I need to stop this right here, it’s horrible).  The End