Women have come a long way. I think it’s awesome. When you consider how far they’ve come in the fight for gender equality in the last 30-40 years, it’s pretty impressive. Let’s give the guys some credit too. As a whole, we’re not assholes about it the way we used to be (some exceptions apply).
Let’s recap some of the highlights. I can only speak for most of North America, but they vote, they hold office, they’re CEOs, VPs, executives, entrepreneurs…..the list goes on and on. They also find the time to give birth to and raise our children. Men help sometimes, and sometimes they don’t. Women are making a lot of things happen in this world. They’re amazing. They’re on fire!!! I come from a city where the mayor is a woman who has held office for 30 years, and nobody will even bother running against her. Most if not all the women in my life are well-educated high achieving type-A show runners (I know that’s not actually a real term, but it should be….it means you run the show). I’m used to it. I’m comfortable with it.
Then one day on the bus……
I saw this lady wearing a man’s watch, and I thought ‘wow, why is she wearing her boyfriend’s watch?’….then the next day 2 more women with big-face watches…..then the next day 3 more……..’hmmm’ I thought, ‘must be the new fashion trend’……then I looked around a bit more….. almost every chick on the bus was wearing a big-face watch…… then I looked at the guys…… I saw 3 guys wearing skinny jeans talking about the Food Network. They were hipsters mind you, which is one of the lowest common denominators of masculinity, but still…… a couple of other dudes with their low-cut pants and plumber bums showing…..something didn’t feel right.
Then it dawned on me!!!
Women are slowly and methodically trying to take over the world!!!! They’ve kept it so quiet and it’s been such a slow and patient climb to the top that we barely noticed anything was awry. All under the guise of equality, but once true equality is achieved, how hard will it be for women to swing the pendulum into the other direction to the point where they are completely dominating everything that goes on? Oh, they can turn on the sweet feminine charm whenever they want. They’re very cunning. Now that I have found out this ‘political secret’, and pulled the curtain back, I’ll be afraid for my life, because assassination may be the best way to shut me up. Women don’t assassinate people though. I’m sure that the threat of bitching and nagging will shut me up. Every man will avoid that at all costs, and women know it. They’ve taken over a lot of households that way, and it’s only a matter of time before they harness that power, and use it on a global scale.
Dammit, I should have read the signs. Guys have been rocking capri pants, listening to 2 inch pink iPods, exposing their underwear, getting piercings, plucking their eyebrows…. you name it. It all seems so obvious now. It wasn’t until I saw women wearing men’s watches, and celebrating porn on a mainstream level (in novels) that I realized the world will never be the same.
In all seriousness, I’m all for gender equality, as long as equality is what we’re after. If there’s something else going on, I don’t know if I can support it. Gentlemen of this newer generation….. I suggest you stop twirling your goofy little mustaches, and start paying attention to what’s really going on. To paraphrase one of my favourite ‘urban’ sayings… ‘You’re about to get your shit took’…… Don’t say I didn’t warn you!